Who would win a farting contest?

[Yellowbeard]

Since there's really nothing new to talk about w/ the books...I figured I'd start a thread for some non-serious type WoT fun.

So, those that want to participate, answer the following:

1. Who would be the deadliest farter in the Wot?

For my part - say Fain. Something to do w/ his encounter w/ the Black Wind.:D

2. Who would be the deadliest female farter?

Not sure myself, but I bet the Windfinders could use the power to some uber-olfactory damage since they can use wind more deftly and powerfully than other WoT women channelers.

Tenobia might be able to challenge them though given her ice pepper fetish.

3. And why stop at farting? How about a burping contest?

Mat wins hands down. All that drinking...he's got to have developed the ability to recite the Great Hunt in High Chant while ripping one out!

4. Who would win a drinking contest?

Definitely not Elayne. Damn lightweight!!

Here's hoping for a drinking scene involving Lan! I bet that guy could drink just about anyone under the table!

[Terez]

Yay, Theoryland is starting to look like Dragonmount!

[Davian93]

Yay, Theoryland is starting to look like Dragonmount!

Is that a good thing?

[Mat is Better]

The Dragon riding the winds of time:

http://www.funnies.com/rocketfart.jpg

[Nazbaque]

Hmmm hard to say with farting and burping not enough info.

But drinking now. We know Beslan and Birgitte are as good as Mat. Elayne and Nynaeve couldn't hold theirs with both hands. Aviendha and Min apparently kept up with Birgitte though we didn't get to see their day after condition. The Maidens once made Rand drink a whole lot of oosquai. The TRM with Perrin have some heavy drinkers among them (names anyone?).

Rand drank ten "little cups" of oosquai with the Maidens and "couldn't walk straight". That ought to be a whole bottle of the stuff (500-700 ml). "Stronger than double-distilled brandy" is propably 50-60% abv. Apparently drunk in less than an hour. He was able to walk even if it wasn't exactly straight. I'd say this is the best drinking feat in the books. Not impossible to beat, but the smart money seems to be on Rand.

[hippie-joe]

i'd think loial would let out some monster gas perportionate to his size.

i bet tuon would be like sneezer the mouse as far as burps go. big things come in small packages.

[Frenzy]

i bet tuon would be like sneezer the mouse as far as burps go. big things come in small packages.
Even a most excellently obscure Tiny Toons reference can't save this thread.

Next thing we know they're going to bring up the TP again.

[Sei'taer]

Next thing we know they're going to bring up the TP again.

ummmmmm naw, too easy, Frenzy. Gimme something really hard to do.

[Toss the dice]

First off, Birgitte says right out, plain as day, that Mat beats both her and Beslan drinking, so I have no idea what the person who said they were equal is talking about.

For the drinking, other than maybe Loial or another ogier, out of the main or semi-main characters that are human, I'd say Mat is a pretty easy choice. If you want to talk about "evidence" or as close to evidence as the books get in this respect, Mat easily is a shoe-in. Nalesean, etc and other heavy drinkers aren't mentioned in the books like Mat is, over and over and over about being drunk or drinking, etc.

As for Rand's oosquai, that is "evidence" but it gives little to no evidence for how much alcohol he actually drank, in relation to others, IE Mat. How does 10 little cups compare to a jug, a pint, etc, etc? And even if we did know how much alcohol it was, whos to say Mat couldn't drink the same then proceed to be able to walk as well? Why wouldn't he be able to? Mat probably has an alcohol tolerance easily 10X what Rand has. Rand may drink wine punch, etc on a regular basis, but its minor amounts, not drinking in taverns for hours on end night after night, as Mat does for a good portion of his time.

For drinking, Mat hands down. The only other possible choice I would say is Thom, mostly due to his encounter in the inn in Tar Valon with Mat. Anyone else is just a guess and/or hope, because no one else has even a shred of evidence for them, at least compared to Mat.

[Nazbaque]

Wow you're a great one for jumping to conclusions.

1) Mat may drink a lot in taverns, but what he drinks is wine tops. Oosquai is at least three times as strong as the strongest wine.

2) I only said Rand has the best single achievement. Didn't say he can't be beaten. Just that no-one has matched it yet.

3) Birgitte says Mat beat her and Beslan, yes. And soon after we see Mat having a hangover as bad as her. That makes Mat's victory marginal. In fact just let them talk. Birgitte was able to walk home. Mat happened to be home already so we don't know if he could have done the same. The fact is that Birgitte could and Mat only might have been able to. That's a point to Birgitte.

4) Drinking competion is not just about drinking a lot. It's about drinking a lot fast. Mat may spend hours amog beer and wine, but that's just it. He doesn't drink fast. Rands feat was a lot in about 15-30 min.

5) Drinking often doesn't make you better. Some people have a naturally good head for drink. I myself have downed a bottle of scotch in one night without so much as a headache next day. And I drink about once in two or three months. Mat's drinking habit builds his resistance, but it doesn't make him automatically better than anyone who doesn't drink often.

6) We only know Mat drinks often. We don't know how much is his usual night. If it's only two or three pints of beer he doesn't even come close to Rand's oosquai feat.

[hippie-joe]

if i had to guess i'd say oosquai is equivalent to shine...

and naz, drinking frequently is like endurance tranning. like you said it builds up tolerance, which in turn, builds up your drunk muscles so to speak. with the info that is provided, mat has a pretty good tolerance. he can drink most under the table.

but again that is with info provided... do we know if brigette stopped b4 mat? if he kept on drinking?

and as far as hangovers go, if you stay hidrated through out the night the head ache is minimal, to nonexistant. though you could wake up and still be drunk, that's always fun lol:)

[Nazbaque]

Oh Mat is good I don't doubt that. But is he the best?

[Ozymandias]

6) We only know Mat drinks often. We don't know how much is his usual night. If it's only two or three pints of beer he doesn't even come close to Rand's oosquai feat.

We have no idea what oosquai is, though. You've blithely assumed its some kind of alcohol equal or greater in alcohol content to some kind of moonshine. We have no idea. You've dismissed all other drinking feats while ignoring logic for Rand's.

First off, we don't know what Rand's tolerance is. I have a friend who has one mixed drink and is drunk for the night. Rand probably isn't that bad, but we know he has almost 0 history of drinking (see EotW), nor does Mat at this point, I should point out. This is, if I remember correctly, only his second time drunk! And remember, Mat drinks with his knife-throwing buddies and they barely feel it. So there is a real case to be made that Aiel tolerance is high, and that oosquai isn't all THAT bad.

All I'm saying is that because Rand seemingly drinks the most in the least amount of time, doesn't mean he did drink the most. Those could have been equivalent to some crappy little beer shot or something. We just don't know.

And as for Mat, his wine is probably watered down. I'm pretty sure most wine was watered down in those days (and by "those days" I refer to the kind of pre-modern, feudal society Randland is based on).

[Nazbaque]

Oosquai is discribed as stronger than double distilled brandy. (By Rand true but why should this be disbelieved)

[Brita]

Dearest Gathering Storm,

Please make haste.

We are desperate for conversation topics, miserably desperate in fact. The trivialities to which we have sunk are a testament not only to our undying fervor but also to our unquenchable thirst for WoT debate. We eagerly await your beautiful pages, longingly gliding down the bookstore aisles, scornfully rebuffing the advances of less worthy novels. We remain true, returning only to the frivilous screens of Theoryland to catch a misty glimpse of WoT glory in anticipation of your arrival.

Until the blessed day of your appearance,

HCFF

[Belazamon]

We have no idea what oosquai is, though.
Really? I thought it was pretty darn obvious it's whiskey. Say it out loud.

[Frenzy]

Bela, stop making sense! They're all just sore at the mere thought that a Maiden could out-drink their manly hero. You don't want to crush their fragile little egos, do you?




besides, that's my job.

[Neilbert]

Really? I thought it was pretty darn obvious it's whiskey. Say it out loud.

I thought it was tequila, distilled from the desert cactus.

I don't know much about alcohols, but isn't whiskey usually brown, and kept in barrels?

Wiki says it's unlikely the Aiel have whiskey:

Whisky or whiskey refers to a broad category of alcoholic beverages that are distilled from fermented grain mash. Different grains are used for different varieties, including barley, malted barley, rye, malted rye, wheat, and maize (corn). Most whiskies are aged in wooden casks (generally oak), the exception being some corn whiskeys.

I don't know where the Aiel would get any of those grains.

Eh, I can't find a good description of oosqui, but IIRC it's mentioned somewhere what it's made from.

E: Found it!

When he accepted, they made him go through that ritual of "Remember honor" again, this time with some drink called oosquai, made from zemai, drinking to the bottom of a small silver cup with each of them.

Ok so it's made of zemai...

Coumin could hear the seed singing around the other fields, hear the women clapping to urge the men on, their rhythm the heartbeat of new life, but it was a distant knowledge. The song caught him up, and he almost felt that it was himself, not the sounds he made, that Someshta wove into the soil and around the seeds. Seeds no longer, though. Zemais sprouts covered the field, taller wherever the Nym's foot had trod. No blight would touch those plants, nor any insect; seed sung, they would eventually grow twice as high as a man and fill the town's grainbarns. This was what he had been born for, this song and the other seed songs. He did not regret the fact that the Aes Sedai had passed him over at ten, saying he lacked the spark. To have been trained as Aes Sedai would have been wondrous, but surely no more so than this moment.

Oh cool. I just proved myself wrong.

Now the real question, how the eff do the Aiel grow grain in the waste?

(hahah I just realized, even in WoT the Irish love their whisky)

[Belazamon]

No worries, I propose a division of labor. I'll make sense, you crush their manly egos.

[Frenzy]

True. Then again, there's more to it than just body mass. Genetics & conditioning play into it. back when i was young & stupid i outdrank a guy who outweighed me by at least 75 pounds. Someone brought back a thermos of kentucky rotgut shine. i'm surprised i didn't go blind.

Someone who pounds back ale & wine to get buzzed probably won't last as long as someone who doses up on oosquai. Besides, the Maidens aren't exactly petite flowers.

[Frenzy]

fair enough. not that the two are mutually exclusive, but i wouln't want you to get bored. ;)

[GonzoTheGreat]

Well, there's a few good reasons to believe that a man who far outweighs a woman could pretty easily out drink her.But Birgitte was dumping half her drunkenness on Elayne, which sort of offsets that weight difference, I would say.

Just out of curiosity: what would the effect in this case have been if Mat had let Halima bond him as a Warder?
That's one that RJ would have appreciated being asked, I think. Wonder how BS would react to it.

[Terez]

I always figured oosquai was like Everclear, since it's made from corn.

[Isabel]

Just out of curiosity: what would the effect in this case have been if Mat had let Halima bond him as a Warder?
That's one that RJ would have appreciated being asked, I think. Wonder how BS would react to it.

I would guess BS has no clue....

[GonzoTheGreat]

Wacky theory for the next book: Halima will bond Taim, and we'll find out.

[hippie-joe]

Oh Mat is good I don't doubt that. But is he the best?

no way to tell i say

but i bet the real drinkers are among the aiel...

they need to start up some meetings, those drunks... lol

[hippie-joe]

I thought it was tequila, distilled from the desert cactus.

I don't know much about alcohols, but isn't whiskey usually brown, and kept in barrels?


whiskey is a usually once distilled corn mesh, aged in, i believe, oak barrels which is how it gets the brown color, distill it again and store it in a mason jar and you got shine...

the process of distilling evaporates the alcohol effectively sepperating it from the, waste. the alcohol vapor runs through some tubbing where it recondences as the pure form of alcohol, clear...
that is the basic form of shine production.

i believe they say oosquai is clear which is how i came to the conclusion that it was something near shine.

now one could distill anything be it brandy, whiskey (which is what shine comes form), wine, beer (gross), anything. infact i believe that is how you get silver tiquila from the gold (mind you i'm not certain on that, but simple logic...) it is also who vodka is pulled from furmented potatos...

i tell you what, i didn't know all this till about 6 months ago i talked to a guy after one of the AA meetings who used to do this, i haven't seen him in a while i think he fell off the wagon.

other names for shine- moon shine (obviously), white lightening, everclear is a brand, as is gem clear... they all go through the same basic process i discribed above. the first two i named are the home made veriaty where everclear and gem clear are mass produced liquior

now here is a fun thing i just saw...
the letters in zemai, is maize scrambled. it's an anagram. that's fun i never noticed it b4 that