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tanaww
07-20-2009, 09:56 AM
We've had some fun with these in the past. I think everyone knows how this works, right? I shall start a story and the next poster continues it and so on until it becomes hilarity. It is Monday and Monday needs to make me laugh. Here goes.

It was a dark and stormy night. Deep in the swamps of Southeast Texas, Birgitte, General of the Northern Border, sipped on a cerveza and plotted her next move in her plan to take over the Southern Border as well.

Sei'taer
07-20-2009, 11:26 AM
A tall, suave, amazingly debonair man walked in. He was awesome to look at. Powerful jaw, strong straight stature, so good looking he took your breath away as he walked by. She was staring at his startling good looks when she realized "My Gods, Thats Taer...The General Of The Southern Border!"

Too awed by his looks and his amazing sense of self and his confidence in his ability to have men follow him, not just because of who he was, but because of his ability to lead, she sat in stunned silence and contemplated the man.

Zanguini
07-20-2009, 11:58 AM
But then she realized that this is the jerk she was trying to conquer and bared her blade.

Brita
07-20-2009, 12:09 PM
Instantly, the cool composure of Sei crumbled as he beheld the blademistress in all her fury. "Please don't hurt me", he whimpered.

Sei'taer
07-20-2009, 12:25 PM
Instantly, the cool composure of Sei crumbled as he beheld the blademistress in all her fury. "Please don't hurt me", he whimpered.

He laughed "just kidding. I don't fear you. I couldn't fear you. You are a child in a mans world." His voice was strong deep and robust. He was a man used to being obeyed, but the twinkle in hs eye spoke of great humor not condecension
She glared at him, blade drawn. he hadn't even made a move towards his blade.
"Sit lady, and drink. It's too nice a night to die." Again the twinkle. He was quite a man, this Sei'taer.

StrangePackage
07-20-2009, 12:47 PM
The bartender eyed them both. He was a squat man, balding and stereotypical of most bar settings, with a dirty apron and clean sleeves. Almost contemplatively, he hefted a clay mug, voided his rheum into it, and began to earnestly dig at it with a semi-clean rag.

"What'll you have?"

Crispin's Crispian
07-20-2009, 01:15 PM
Sei'taer opened his mouth to order for the lady, when a tiny voice chirped plaintively out of the mug.

"I'll have a different cup, if you please. I would appreciate your removal of that rag, as well, milord."

StrangePackage
07-20-2009, 01:19 PM
The squat little man's eyes went wide, and he withdrew the sodden rag from the mug the way one jerks their hand from a hot skillet. Quickly, he upended the mug over the smooth wooden bar and watched as the contents tumbled out.

Sei'taer
07-20-2009, 01:19 PM
The bartender eyed them both. He was a squat man, balding and stereotypical of most bar settings, with a dirty apron and clean sleeves. Almost contemplatively, he hefted a clay mug, voided his rheum into it, and began to earnestly dig at it with a semi-clean rag.

"What'll you have?"

"A bottle of wine sir. We celebrate tonight. Alas, it's a small celebration, just two. But the lady wishes to have the southern border as hers. I say, more power to her. She can deal with that bitch Tana and ner cold beer. I'm tired and my men are tired. Tomorrow I will let her have a go at it."

Ozymandias
07-20-2009, 01:33 PM
"A bottle of wine sir. We celebrate tonight. Alas, it's a small celebration, just two. But the lady wishes to have the southern border as hers. I say, more power to her. She can deal with that bitch Tana and ner cold beer. I'm tired and my men are tired. Tomorrow I will let her have a go at it."

Then Sei'taer put on his robe and wizard hat...

Sei'taer
07-20-2009, 01:40 PM
Then Sei'taer put on his robe and wizard hat...

Ripped the skullet off Goodkinds head and went whistling on his way.

tworiverswoman
07-20-2009, 02:15 PM
General Birgitte watched him saunter away, her mouth slightly open in stunned amazement. She shook her head sharply, listening for any rattle.

"Wow," she muttered. "Some people are just too weird."

Turning to the bartender, she began to speak but then stopped, staring at the thing on the countertop.

"What the hell is that!?" she exclaimed.

Zanguini
07-20-2009, 02:54 PM
"That is the great Gonzo" the bartender replied, sighing because he would soon have to replace the mug. "He grants wishes sometimes but most times he just befouls my mugs."

GonzoTheGreat
07-20-2009, 03:57 PM
"What do you want, dear girl?"

Birgitte
07-20-2009, 04:03 PM
"I wouldn't say no to one of those cold beers the old man mentioned, but I think I'll take it from the bartender. I don't want to get involved with you. What are you, anyways? A leprechaun?"

tanaww
07-20-2009, 04:21 PM
"I wouldn't say no to one of those cold beers the old man mentioned, but I think I'll take it from the bartender. I don't want to get involved with you. What are you, anyways? A leprechaun?"

"Indeed I am!" said Gonzo. "Who's the crazy, cranky old guy? Why don't you kick his ass?"

Sei'taer
07-21-2009, 05:24 PM
General Birgitte watched him saunter away, her mouth slightly open in stunned amazement. She shook her head sharply, listening for any rattle.

"Wow," she muttered. "Some people are just too weird."

Turning to the bartender, she began to speak but then stopped, staring at the thing on the countertop.

"What the hell is that!?" she exclaimed.

***at least you didn't say I sashayed***

"Indeed I am!" said Gonzo. "Who's the crazy, cranky old guy? Why don't you kick his ass?"

"I'm surprised at you, sir. You never kick your bartenders ass, unless you need information, and then it's really only a formality. Right, 'keep?" said Birgitte.

"ezacktly," said the bartender, "money does wonders too, for loosenin' a bartenders jaw."

Birgitte
07-22-2009, 01:19 AM
"I'm sure it does. Unfortunately for you, I'm just looking for that cold beer. Hint. Hint."

tworiverswoman
07-22-2009, 01:37 AM
"I'm sure it does. Unfortunately for you, I'm just looking for that cold beer. Hint. Hint."Scowling sourly, the bartender reached behind him for a new glass and drew a new pint of fresh, foamy liquid from the tap. The smell of malt wafted on the air. The thing on the bar widened its nostrils appreciatively, turning its head to sniff more deeply.

"Would ye be havin' a bit of the brew for the likes o' me, then?" he asked, sprightly. "I do be havin' the wherewithal to pay for't, o'course." With this he flashed a glimmer of yellow from the edge of his fingers.

yks 6nnetu hing
07-22-2009, 10:21 AM
The bartender poured Gonzo a beer and gingerly nudged it towards the creature. He downed the whole thing in one go even though it was three times bigger than him.

"And where's mine?" asked Birgitte

The bartender pulled a face. "don'cher' worry, I got de gold, de ladyship's drink izsh on me" said Gonzo and with a wet *plop* he split into two Gonzos, dazedly blinking up at the bartender.

Sei'taer
07-22-2009, 11:46 AM
The bartender poured Gonzo a beer and gingerly nudged it towards the creature. He downed the whole thing in one go even though it was three times bigger than him.

"And where's mine?" asked Birgitte

The bartender pulled a face. "don'cher' worry, I got de gold, de ladyship's drink izsh on me" said Gonzo and with a wet *plop* he split into two Gonzos, dazedly blinking up at the bartender.

Sei'taer popped back in, because we all know he can't leave well enough alone.

"Gods, two Gonzos! You should have quit while he wss in the cup."

Zanguini
07-22-2009, 04:47 PM
"Quiet, Dum Dum." The Gonzos said in unison. And with a flick of their Synchronized wrists Lord Sei'taer General of the Southern Border was transported back to the southern border to await the wrath of Birgette on the marrow.

Cary Sedai
07-22-2009, 06:47 PM
The bartender, keeping one suspicious eye on the two Gonzo's, poured a mug of ale from the keg into a relatively clean mug and passed it to the parched General of the Northern Border.

"Finally" muttered Birgette, then turned to the two Gonzo's "You asked what I wanted, sir's?"

The two Gonzo's, eyes twinkling, grinned in unison, "Aye, that we did."

yks 6nnetu hing
07-24-2009, 09:45 AM
"well what I REALLY want is peace on Earth" she said wistfully, then took a deep swig of the beer.

"but since that is in practice impossible, I would like a really pretty dress. you know, with lace and gossamer and slits that show the underlinens. And embroidery, probably in scrollwork." she paused, took another swig and nodded "yes, that's what I would like. And after that, a bath."

Zanguini
07-24-2009, 09:47 AM
... and the Gonzos granted her wishes. First they removed all of her clothes with a blink. After waiting too long, they put her in a really pretty dress and then dumped her in a tub of water.

yks 6nnetu hing
07-24-2009, 09:58 AM
Then they looked at each other and said, in unison "we did not know we could do that. Must be magick!"

Sei Taer barged in again, the light shinging behind him, outlining the hulking figure in the doorframe. "I want a pretty dress too! how come *she* gets her wishes granted? If there's two of you does that mean I get twice three wishes?"

The Gonzos looked at him blankly. "yes, you get twenty three wishes."