View Full Version : News from Thakandar

05-30-2008, 07:28 AM
“Watcha gonna do when HE comes for you”
By Spidy - Chief Reporter

The Great Lord of the Dark himself has issued a proclamation to the residents of Thakandar stating:

“ all Trollocs Draghkar Gray Men and Myrddraal are to gather at 12am on June 26th on the Shayol Ghul Common for a brainstorming session on murder torture mayhem and general fear mongering that will take place during and after the winning of the Last Battle by the forces of the Dark on the hapless forces of the Light and any other unfortunate souls (MMMMUUUUUUAAAAAHHHHHH) who get caught up in all the fun and under no circumstances are Chosen Dreadlords orDarkfriends to attend on pain of the long sleep. ” (Geez, why can’t the Dark One use some punctuation, I nearly ran out of mindbreath reading that, Ed.)

Well, after donning some Fancloth that he said he had purloined from one of the Chosen’s personal stores (not sure which Chosen but I think it was more likely to actually be some of Watcher’s personal collection, not from a stash of any of the Chosen, Ed.) on a bet by GonzoTheGreat, who was trying to make some quick cash as a result having problems paying off recent copyright infringement violations, Dragon Theif, who had popped in for a visit whilst we were watching the Spelling Bee, said he would have a wander around to see if any of Thakandar’s faithful had any early takes on the GL’s idea.

After consulting Shaidar Haran, Hand of the Dark, on why the gathering was limited to the lesser denizens of Thakandar, Theif found out for the Gazette faithful that the Great Lord has become a bit concerned over the past few years that the Chosen and Dreadlords have been getting too much of the limelight and HE wants all his fawning and loyal subjects to have a more equal chance of enjoying the upcoming battle of the Ages.

To this end, a giant suggestion box made of bleached Ogier skins has been erected in the middle of the Common and it is Sightblinder's fervent hope that his loyal subjects will take advantage of the opportunity to give him their suggestions as to how they can more colorfully participate in the Last Battle and after, rather than just being cannon fodder for the Aes Sedai, Asha’man and human armies. Leafblighter has also promised that he will take all suggestions on board and the top nine will be enacted immediately that the Last Battle gets underway.

When asked if he had a suggestion, Narg the Trolloc just grunted and stalked off, clearly still upset at being knocked out of the Spelling Bee and the public display of “Narg Envy” from his fellow Trollocs. Draghkar, “Judge Scampy” as he said he wanted to be known as now, was even less forthcoming when asked the same question, he just crooned and beckoned to DT to come closer to him. Dragon Theif, being a seasoned and intrepid Gazette reporter himself, laughed back at Scampy that he was not born yesterday, gave him a baleful stare and looked for other evil minions to question. It seems Theif couldn’t find any Gray Men in the immediate vicinity, even though he said that he was even looking out of the corners of his eyes so he skipped off to see if he could find any Myrddraal that had something to propose.

Finally DT tracked down famed master sword polisher, Slinky the Myrddraal, who offered this ripper of a suggestion. “Well, I think that we should probably round up a few humans that have been captured and make some really good swords out of their souls. That would seem to me to be a fun way of being in the Last Battle.”

Yeah, real original thinking there Slinky, what else do you think, maybe have some Trollocs put a few Tinkers in a cookpot and eat them? Looks like the suggestions forthcoming from the dumber of the Lord of the Grave's horde on June 26th may not be all that fantastic. Maybe leaving Dreadlords and Darkfriends out was a bad idea, though you can’t fault HeartFang for trying, at least he is giving them a chance. As usual, your intrepid Gazette Reporters will be on hand to report if anything useful or innovative does eventually turn up out of this probably fruitless exercise so “Stay tuned”.

Unfortunately Dragon Theif linked back to the Theoryland MessageBoard mumbling something about a new board, vBulletin and that he must be there to christen it or something like that, so it looks like it’s just Ferid and Arachno-boy are going to have to find out on our own. Getting very smelly here under the Toilet Paper. Wonder if any other Gazette Reporters would like to come up and give us a hand? Could use some XXXX too, ran out yesterday.

05-30-2008, 08:34 AM
*gives Spidy keg of XXXX and smooches*