PDA

View Full Version : havoc


psychomusician
06-16-2008, 01:59 AM
ok, so back in november, i started this story, but i never got around to writing any more of it, seeing as i am a lazy fcuk. anyhoo, i thought i'd post it here until the writers board comes back around, at which point i'll move it there, but who knows when that will appen :D

~~~

I am not important.
No, that was a lie. But all lies have some truth in them, something that you will notice throughout this narrative.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the puppet master. I am here to make sure that things that need to happen do, but in doing so, I pass the torch of glory to others.
You know me. Or, at least you should. I am the one who gave Brutus the knife. I fired the shot heard round the world. I kicked Gandhi off the train.
This isnít a story about me. It is a story about a dead man, who I killed, how is not important, but it isnít about how he died, or what happened before he died, itís about what happened after his death.
This man has no name. All I knows is that his military designation was P91. So, when soldier P91 died, they put him on a metal table and opened his insides to figure out how he died, but they couldnít figure it out, so they sewed him back together and stuck him in a metal locker to await cremation, (they couldnít find any relatives who cared enough to bury him).
It wasnít unusual. People died all the time of mysterious causes, but what was unusual was what happened as the mortician was putting soldier number P91 into the locker.
About fifty miles away, a single atom of uranium broke in two, and the pieces of that atom hit other uranium atoms, which in turn broke in two, causing a chain reaction which produced an explosion with the force of 50 megatons of TNT, but it also produced a lot of radiation
The radiation fused with the chemicals inside of P91, producing a life giving cocktail which only needed a spark (which was provided by a falling electrical wire) to snatch soldier P91 out of heaven and shuffle him back into his mortal coil.
Soldier P91ís first feeling upon his untimely reanimation was confusion. (I imagine that it was pretty weird going from heaven to a morgue locker.) His second was panic. He had always been claustrophobic, he knew that much, so waking up in a space where there is only 3 inches of space on any given side of your body freaked him out pretty good.

~~~~
thats as far as i got, but i've been thinking of starting it up again. tell me what you thinks

Nazbaque
06-16-2008, 06:52 PM
It is a story about a dead man, who I killed, how is not important, but it isnít about how he died, or what happened before he died, itís about what happened after his death.
...killed. How...
You are repeating.
1)how is not important,
2)but it isnít about how he died
or 3)how is not important, this isnít about how he died
All I knows is that his military designation was P91.
know

Over all a very nice start, but I'd put more meat on those bones. Add discriptions. A bit of flavour. A bit of drama.

psychomusician
06-16-2008, 09:02 PM
yeah, i realized after i posted it how much work just that section needs.