Sei'taer
07-01-2008, 08:24 AM
#1: Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'
'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her...... He's naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his pecker off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here.....'
#2 (the free one): A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing (ready ) to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, 'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'
He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'
She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'
He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'
She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump,
you dumb @ss Yankee."
'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply.
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my tools.'
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her...... He's naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his pecker off to teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly, 'I think I can save you a grand here.....'
#2 (the free one): A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixing (ready ) to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, 'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'
He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'
She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'
He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'
She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump,
you dumb @ss Yankee."