View Full Version : Shayol Ghul Gazette - Closed by Order of the Great Lord

10-23-2010, 07:43 AM
It painted a sorry picture. Four grown men, sitting forlornly on the side walk, staring dejectedly at the padlocked door to 13 ShadowSpawn Boulevard, registered offices of the Shayol Ghul Gazette. Pinned to the front, on what appeared to be parchment made of human skin, was an eviction notice, in letters hand-drawn in blood, the message of all dooms, Closed for failure to pay rent! By order of the Great Lord!

“I just don’t believe it,” wept Dragon Theif. Slowly he lowered his head onto Professor Snow’s shoulder. In a gesture of compassion, the Prof draped his arm around DT’s shoulders, trying to give the young Gazettee some comfort, even though the tears were about to break from his own eyes like a river. Snow was just finishing an update to a long awaited theory and now it was locked inside the Gazette with no way to get it.

“Never saw this coming, Uno. Did you?” moped Spidy, conspicuous by his presence but even more conspicuous by the lack of esky’s and XXXX cans in his immediate vicinity.

“Nope. Not even on the radar,” replied Uno, filling his pipe slowly with some grass that in his shock he had mistaken to be his tobacco pouch.

“But how could this happen?” questioned Snow. “It’s not like the Shayol Ghul Gazette had stopped being in the business of making news for the Thakandar faithful, just that we haven’t printed a paper for some time.”

DT raised his head and turned a suspicious eye on Uno and Spidy. “You guys haven’t embezzled all the funds away have you?” Theif asked feverishly.

“Nothing of the sort!” snapped back Spidy and Uno at the same time, both surprised with not only the vehemence of their answer but the uncanny ability that each could say the same thing at the same time. It was a marvellous trait they shared and always went down well at one of MS’s baking parties when the conversation got stale. (Pardon the pun, couldn’t help myself).

“Boys?” piped up a voice from behind them, “You can’t be sitting here all day feeling sorry for yourselves, especially you Spidy, feeling all mopery. This is mainly your fault you know. If you had been around more, this would never have happened.” MS was standing there with Frenzy herself, both with a large box of assorted baked pastries, looking sternly at the four now un-employed Gazettees.

“What’s mopery?” asked DT.

“Exposing yourself to a blind person” laughed Frenzy, “but that’s not important right now. The important thing is what are you going to do?”

“What is there to do?” moaned Spidy, eyeing off one of the pastries in the box as Moonie placed it on the ground next to Uno. “Here,” said Uno picking up the box and gesturing with it in Spidy’s direction. “Can’t,” replied Spidy. “Can’t eat wheat for a month. Have had to give up XXXX as well. Can’t function properly without beer.”

“What!” intoned Theif, coming alive at the mention of XXXX. DT had been feeling apprehensive on the way down to the office when he heard that Spidy was coming in today. DT had drunk Spidy’s entire stash of XXXX whilst he had been away and hadn’t been to the Land of the Madmen for a resupply.

“Oh don’t worry, DT. I know you’ve been drinking my XXXX,” grinned Spidy, humour coming back to his eyes. “Lucky for you that I have been drinking “The Cider” lately for my alcohol fix. That and a bit of red wine. Even been drinking an old drop of Watcher’s that I still had lying around at home.

“You still have some of Watcher’s wine?” queried the Dark Amyrlin, looking at MS as she asked. “No-one has had any wine from Watcher’s bar for years. Impossible.”

“One benefit of not being around much over the years, Frenzy,” responded Spidy. “I even have some of Aram’s shrooms and a few leftover muffins from the days of the baker sisters. Think there is even a bale of hay leftover from a visit from the Betrayer of Hay when he popped round for a Greeting practice session.”

“That’s it!” barked Uno, jumping to his feet and grabbing MS in a hug and smacking a big one on her lips.

“That’s what?” protested MS as she failed to untwine herself from the grasp of her husband.
Uno motioned everyone to get up, which after a chorus of creaking bones, they were finally able to stand in a rough semi-circle in front of the Editor. Uno began. “Look, the Gazette ran out of cash because we didn’t sell any papers in the last year. Given that we only published a handful of papers over the last eight years as well meant that the cashflow for the SG Gazette has not been what we needed. With the Great Lord calling in all outstanding debts to pay for the arming of the ShadowSpawn armies for the Last Battle, it was obvious that we couldn’t continue on the good grace of the Great Lord.”

“Get to the point, Uno,” spoke the Professor. “What are you trying to say?”

“It just this, Snow. With some of Watcher’s wine, some shrooms and some muffins, we will be able to crack out some ripper stories and, presto, we will have a new Gazette to sell. If we round up a few Else’s as well, we may have enough volunteers to type up the articles. We don’t need an office to publish the Gazette, all we need to do is sell one Gazette and we will raise enough cash to re-open the offices. It all comes down to us getting the message out to the Thakandar faithful that the Gazette is still in business. I have it on good terms that there is a bit of a theory revolution going on down at Theoryland at the moment. Something called TheoryMania or something. Theories are being posted up each day, unheard of activity for Tamyrlin that we need to take advantage of.”

“So what do we do?” asked DT. “We have to work from somewhere.”

“Easy” smirked Uno, turning to Frenzy. “We may need to rent some space in the Entropy Sideline Club until we can get back on our feet. What do you think?”

“I’ll see what can be arranged, Uno” smiled the Dark Amyrlin, thinking that putting up with this motley crew would be a major pain, but one that would probably be worth it if a new Gazette came out.

“Umm, I can’t work all that well without a banana lounge. All my lounges are locked up inside the Gazette,” said Spidy. “Maybe the ESC couch could be a good substitute? I’ve never sat on it before.”

“I suppose that might be in order too, but you know that there is always someone on there watching a theory debate of some description so you will have to share,” responded Frenzy.

“Ok then. Let me slip back home to get an Esky, “The Cider” and some muffins, wine and shrooms and we will have a Gazette out in no time,” continued Spidy.

“Yippee!” cried DT jumping around like a Draghkar drunk on O negative trolloc blood. Mustering up his best intoning voice DT intoned “The Gazette is not dead yet! Onwards the Gazette! Not while I still have some fancloth!”

Collectively everyone rolled their eyes at Theif though all inwardly feeling a surge of hope. Uno and MS looked at each other, beaming with excitement. There would be at least, one more Gazette for the Thakandar faithful. One more Gazette.

Zaela Sedai
10-25-2010, 08:51 AM
...we have to share the couch?!!!? NOoooooooooooooo!

Oh well, guess it's worth it :D

11-01-2010, 11:50 PM
hehehehehehehehehe.... Else's....

Gilshalos Sedai
11-02-2010, 11:01 AM
Oh, man, I don't wanna share the couch.

11-20-2010, 01:59 AM
Quite. Good work by the reporting team, I say. I lieu of pay I'm giving everyone a promotion in rank. I know you're all too dedicated to the mission to worry about financial matters, anyway. Spidy's now Senior First Chief Investigative Report.