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View Full Version : I wrote a Moiraine fic in which she does stuff after ToM


jana
12-01-2010, 10:48 PM
http://www.theoryland.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=4833

Jonai
12-01-2010, 11:22 PM
You have no shame.

jana
12-01-2010, 11:25 PM
You have no shame.

shush

Daekyras
12-02-2010, 04:16 AM
shush

This stuff she does....is it....naughty....stuff?

*Runs.

Servus Christi
12-02-2010, 04:23 AM
I actually enjoyed the interaction between the three ta'veren. Rand and Perrin arguing over an eye-patch design for Mat with Mat sitting on the side agreeing with everyone :D!

jana
12-02-2010, 04:32 AM
This stuff she does....is it....naughty....stuff?

*Runs.

you could just... read. and find out. she takes her clothes off but it's off-screen.

I actually enjoyed the interaction between the three ta'veren.

Yay

GonzoTheGreat
12-02-2010, 04:47 AM
she takes her clothes off but it's off-screen.Pics or it didn't happen (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pics%20or%20it%20didn't%20happen). :p
Oh, and I am not sure she had any clothes (apart from Thom's cloak) to take off anyway at that point.

jana
12-02-2010, 05:04 AM
Thom's cloak

I'm counting that as clothes

Daekyras
12-02-2010, 05:12 AM
I liked it.

Not to sure about the "smiled up at". Could be another Tempest situation.

Well done.

jana
12-02-2010, 05:20 AM
"smiled up at"

yikes. I didn't realize I did that 15 times. Thanks

morat'corlm
12-02-2010, 05:32 AM
At least there weren't any forces.

I actually kind of liked it. That means you can't just leave us hanging with that cliffhanger. :mad:

jana
12-02-2010, 05:45 AM
That means you can't just leave us hanging with that cliffhanger.

It's about halfway done.

This is my favorite review so far: "i just want to know when nynaeve got her hair cut ive read towers of midnight and she doesnt get it cut so what the hell?"

skaywalker
12-02-2010, 05:48 AM
Great work Jana, I see that you've written Egweene's character perfectly :D

Mat
12-02-2010, 07:06 AM
Nice work!

Can't wait to read more :-)

SixPips
12-02-2010, 08:33 AM
I enjoyed the interactions of the characters very much, especially the dice part with Mat.

A few nitpicks I have learned to look for from people pointing out in my own fanfics on here (I assume you were referring to my own shameless advertising for my fics = D ) is that the voices of the characters were a tad off.

Mat didn't cuss quite like he usually does, three times in three PoV's is a bit clean for his vocabulary.

The lack of the "Sedai" title when one Aes Sedai was addressing another in front of people. They tend to be sticklers for making other people believe they are more proper; therefore more deserving of respect and influence.

I also did not feel like Rand exclaimed as much as he really would have over the shock of Moiraine returning, nor over the epiphany of Mat being married to the Empress.

Very well done, I have wanted to do multiple PoV's on here but have yet to brave the short attention spans of the posters = ) Consider not brevity, but parts. The different PoV's make very good stopping points to put in different threads so the people felt like they were accomplishing their reading.

There is one part where you use the word "he" when you mean the word "his/him" (can't remember exactly which but it involves Rand) Other than that, typo free!

Fanfic Scale of 1-100:

1= horrendous and should be burned, then the author shot.

100= The Author may take you to court for "Preemptive Plagiarism"

I vote: 88

Great Job! :D

jana
12-02-2010, 09:48 AM
I also did not feel like Rand exclaimed as much as he really would have over the epiphany of Mat being married to the Empress.

Thanks, I added a few lines there.

alleluia_cone
12-02-2010, 11:54 AM
and now I'm shamelessly self-promoting it in the wrong forum because that's the popular thing to do these days. Hopefully gonzo doesn't point out that I posted it in the Thom topic. It only took me three weeks to not be too embarassed.

Can we get your fan fiction on what Rand and Egwene were doing during the 25 days they were not shown on screen in ToM? You know, because Brandon accidentally deleted these parts from the manuscript and is pretending he didn't.

jana
12-02-2010, 11:58 AM
Can we get your fan fiction on what Rand and Egwene were doing during the 25 days they were not shown on screen in ToM? You know, because Brandon accidentally deleted these parts from the manuscript and is pretending he didn't.

You crack me up. That's like 70% of your posts lately =oP. Luckily (for me) that's the type of thing I can ignore.

Rand was rolling around in brambles to make his cloak more tattered so Mat would have something to talk about. (I think Mat is going to be uncomfortable around Hippie Rand)

Green Man 22
12-02-2010, 12:11 PM
It was enjoyable to read and well written.

The only part that jumped out at me was when Cadsuane said something about Moiraine making a decision "on the fly".

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think we've seen that expression in WoT, so it just seemed a bit off.

Khoram
12-02-2010, 12:12 PM
"i just want to know when nynaeve got her hair cut ive read towers of midnight and she doesnt get it cut so what the hell?"

Obviously, whoever wrote this review didn't read ToM, or else they just were not paying attention to what they were reading at all.

I would especially hope that whoever wrote this review isn't a member of TL.


Very well done - if there were any additions after my reading it yesterday, I haven't seen them yet, but I very much enjoyed this - I personally felt like the story was advancing; yes, the dialogue didn't feel completely right, but I still enjoyed how it was written - the scene where Rand, Mat and Perrin are arguing over the eye patch was very entertaining.

Thanks for writing this. I'm anxiously awaiting more. :D

jana
12-02-2010, 12:24 PM
It was enjoyable to read and well written.

The only part that jumped out at me was when Cadsuane said something about Moiraine making a decision "on the fly".

Thanks.

"on the fly" was used twice in WoT (I just looked it up), but twice in WoT is almost the same as never.

The problem is I can't really think of a WoT alternative that's used a lot. I don't want to change it from a phrase because I don't want to change Moiraine's reply. Trying to figure out what Moiraine and Cadsuane might say to each other isn't fun at all, heh. (Which is why I chickened out and they have about four lines together).

Cairn
12-02-2010, 12:33 PM
I really enjoyed this and would love reading more, but one thing really stuck out at me- the way Mat's dice behave.

I understand we're seeing the dice in action for the first time with three ta'veren, but a ta'veren and Mat's luck bend chance- they can't make things happen that are physically impossible.

So, when the dice stick to Mat's hand magically, or when they stack up and can't be pushed over, or when they float in mid-air, these are things that are physically impossible. I believe we've seen previously where if Mat needs an 'impossible' roll one of the dice will just fail to give a readable answer (it ends up on it's corner or falls in a crack, or something).

Again, totally loved reading this, but I have to completely disagree with the dice behavior.

(Yay for first post)

jana
12-02-2010, 12:46 PM
I really enjoyed this and would love reading more, but one thing really stuck out at me- the way Mat's dice behave.

I understand we're seeing the dice in action for the first time with three ta'veren, but a ta'veren and Mat's luck bend chance- they can't make things happen that are physically impossible.

So, when the dice stick to Mat's hand magically, or when they stack up and can't be pushed over, or when they float in mid-air, these are things that are physically impossible. I believe we've seen previously where if Mat needs an 'impossible' roll one of the dice will just fail to give a readable answer (it ends up on it's corner or falls in a crack, or something).

Again, totally loved reading this, but I have to completely disagree with the dice behavior.

(Yay for first post)

Welcome. I'm trying to decide whether to argue with you for my own entertainment or to agree with you because you're right.

K, I'm going to argue for my own entertainment.


I can make dice stick to my hand when it's vertical if I do it carefully, therefore there's a .0000000000000000001% chance for it to happen randomly.

The dice standing in a column was supposed to be similar to the coin landing on it's side in The Shadow Rising after being thrown.

The floating was Rand's channeling to protect Min. (He didn't bother stopping the one that hit Thom's pipe).

The two dice that disappeared from the tent are the part that can't be explained by randomness. They would have to find a hole in the tent, which is possible. But there's no way they could make it as far as they did. That would be a strong enough gust of wind to knock the tent over. So you're totally right.

Ishara
12-02-2010, 02:23 PM
Look, not to be a downer, but we have a Board for this stuff - which you know because you posted it there originally. Can we leave it there and not double post on multiple boards?

:)

alleluia_cone
12-02-2010, 02:41 PM
I've never been much into fan fiction and have rarely read it but now having read your piece and really liking it, I have a bad feeling I will end up preferring it over the real reunion in the book to come, which will be . . . strange (and novel, since I've had no similar experience). For one, I doubt it will really be an everyone against Egwene scenario, despite how popular such a scene would be among a sizable group of readers. The other, more unrealistic aspect to your piece, in my humble opinion, is how quickly the whole Lanfear dream is brushed off. I wonder about Rand's state of mind after the whole thing, especially if so soon forced to confront Moiraine afterward since she is now so intricately involved with Lanfear in Rand's mind. But even so, I have to admit that your entire piece, even if a bit unlikely in places, is always plausible.

jana
12-02-2010, 09:19 PM
I've never been much into fan fiction and have rarely read it but now having read your piece and really liking it, I have a bad feeling I will end up preferring it over the real reunion in the book to come, which will be . . . strange (and novel, since I've had no similar experience). For one, I doubt it will really be an everyone against Egwene scenario, despite how popular such a scene would be among a sizable group of readers. The other, more unrealistic aspect to your piece, in my humble opinion, is how quickly the whole Lanfear dream is brushed off. I wonder about Rand's state of mind after the whole thing, especially if so soon forced to confront Moiraine afterward since she is now so intricately involved with Lanfear in Rand's mind. But even so, I have to admit that your entire piece, even if a bit unlikely in places, is always plausible.

I totally agree about Lanfear. I just don't like her stressing out Rand again so didn't want to put more in =oP
Hopefully Rand doesn't pull a Perrin and obsess on her for half a book :D

Look, not to be a downer, but we have a Board for this stuff - which you know because you posted it there originally. Can we leave it there and not double post on multiple boards?

A board which I didn't know existed until Sixpips linked his fan fiction here. *shrug*

Ishara
12-03-2010, 08:41 AM
Fair enough, but you know now, so is the shrug meant to be a dismissal of my suggestion or what?

jana
12-03-2010, 08:56 AM
Fair enough, but you know now, so is the shrug meant to be a dismissal of my suggestion or what?

I had an itch on my neck and I was too lazy to use my finger to scratch it so I used my shoulder.



I would never have seen dominom's awesome thingie if he hadn't posted it here either.

I think I'ma link it for him:

http://www.theoryland.com/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=4850

GonzoTheGreat
12-03-2010, 09:22 AM
I totally agree about Lanfear. I just don't like her stressing out Rand again so didn't want to put more in =oP
Hopefully Rand doesn't pull a Perrin and obsess on her for half a book :DPerhaps Lanfear approached him in his dream at that time specifically because Moiraine had now been rescued?

If the Shadow is aware of the rescue (and the Dark Prophecy suggests they might be), then messing Rand up a bit more before Moiraine returns could be what was intended.