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Hopper
07-27-2008, 12:48 PM
Or you can all just vote for Tana / Hopper '08. The No-Bullshit Ticket

I think that the ticket of Tana / Hopper can make the following promises and appointments.

Secretary of State: Tamyrlin

Secretary of Education: Zaela Sedai (someone to teach the Younglings)

Secretary of Agriculture: Frenzy (someone to watch over the cucumber crops)

Secretary of Energy: Sei Taer (cause Global Warming is Bullsh!te)

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Sinistrum (this gives him full authority over the Boobage Protection Agency)

Secretary of Veteran's Affairs: Bryan Blair

Secretary of Transportation: Camel (he's thinking outside the box)

Secretary of Homeland Security: Pops (rednecks with shotguns . . . need I say more)

We'll need appointees for the following. Post your nominations here.

Secretary of the Interior
Secretary of Commerce
Secretary of Justice
Secretary of Defense
Secretary of Labor
Secretary of the Treasury
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

tanaww
07-27-2008, 01:04 PM
Secretary of the Interior - Davian
Secretary of Commerce - SoE
Secretary of Justice - Kitten
Secretary of Defense - Sarge, of course
Secretary of Labor - Ishara (shh! No one will know she's Canadian ;))
Secretary of the Treasury -Firseal
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development - Muttley

The New York Yankees will be eliminated from MLB, The Dallas Cowboys from the NFL and all y'all can quit your whinin'

The Monday after the Super Bowl will be a national holiday so we can all "enjoy the game";)

Sinistrum
07-27-2008, 01:11 PM
I'm sure as hell voting for it. Hooray boobs! :D

irerancincpkc
07-27-2008, 02:39 PM
The New York Yankees will be eliminated from MLB, The Dallas Cowboys from the NFL and all y'all can quit your whinin'

Wow, you would get my vote just for that. :D

Ishara
07-27-2008, 05:32 PM
Yay! I get a portfolio!

Mort
07-27-2008, 06:16 PM
What, no Secretary of Propaganda and Lies?

JSUCamel
07-27-2008, 06:48 PM
What, no Secretary of Propaganda and Lies?

Gonzo?


jk


sorta ;)

Ivhon
07-27-2008, 07:25 PM
I reject your ticket roundly.

Ivhon for King!

I will:

1. Reduce your taxes by eliminating 95% of the Federal Beurocracy. free sundaes for all

2. Set the nation on a clear track and vision free from the influence of corporate interests - my royal perks will be paid from a flat tax of $5/annum per US citizen. Maybe less - a drop in the bucket compared to the savings from eliminating unnecessary government positions. fudge on top, of course

3. Overhaul the immigration laws to provide a fair, enforceable platform for gaining citizenship. As well as being free from corporate interests, I will not be beholden to special interest groups either, since my authority will be absolute and I wont need to face re-election. beer. lots of it.

4. End our dependence on foreign oil during my reign. The elimination of the beurocracy and breaking the shackles of the oil industry will allow me to allocate adequate funds to research, development and implementation of alternate fuel sources. Including a commitment to cracking the nut of fusion power. fake boobies for everyone. implant 'em or just leave 'em on your desk to squeeze when you feel like it

5. Dissolution of the Health Care/Insurance/Pharmaceutical racket. Again, I will have no ties to corporate interests and the threats of their lawyers are meaningless to me.you remember i mentioned beer, right? lots of it? im not kidding when i say that

6. Fair and equal justice for all under the law. My justice is color, age, gender, orientation, and creed blind you can has cheeburger

Dragon Thief
07-27-2008, 07:41 PM
In the fairest way I know how to determine my vote, I hearby sell it to whoever bids the highest.

I can be bought with Snickers, positions of authority, and/or Positions of Authority involving Snickers. I also request a teensy addition to the calendar of national holidays in the form of "National Find Your Neighbor's Cucumber Day", but I am not so picky as to determine the actual date. (Although it would be an awesome replacement for Valentine's Day).

irerancincpkc
07-27-2008, 09:03 PM
I'm liking the King Ivhon route more... :D

DeiwosTheSkyGod
07-27-2008, 09:37 PM
free sundaes for all

I'm sold.

tworiverswoman
07-27-2008, 10:20 PM
6. Fair and equal justice for all under the law. My justice is color, age, gender, orientation, and creed blind you can has cheeburger I'm noticing you didn't mention "wealth" in the list of blindnesses...

Sei'taer
07-27-2008, 11:22 PM
Beer me, Ivhonnicus. Although that secretary thingy...naw, I hate typin shit for people so why would I want to be secretary, plus I don't know shorthand...

Frenzy
07-28-2008, 01:17 AM
Is that wise, Hopper? i kill most plants i glance at, i'd make agricultural runoff subject to the Clean Water Act, and i'd distract Sinistrum (hey sini, that yard gnome just stole my topo map sweater...) and usurp his post. Think about it: do you really want me in charge of human services?



hell, i'd probably appoint Professor Snow to the post and then go pester Sei'taer & Camel into overhauling the entire country to be energy independent in 2 years, and fuck everyone who can't keep up. Unfortunately those two can hold their own against me, so it may take 5 years instead. So i better make sure you guys get re-elected....

Zaela Sedai
07-28-2008, 09:28 AM
It's been a while since the last TL election, LOL had to come around at some point.


Oh and I'll educate all right....

Gilshalos Sedai
07-28-2008, 09:41 AM
Well, as I see no post for me in either cabinet, I'm soliciting bids for my influence.

What I bring to the table: my enormous spy network for one. After all, I am the one Tam comes to for information regarding his minions here on TL. I also bring my charm and persuasive abilities. (Yes, they're about as subtle as a kick to the forehead, but they get the job done.)

Sei'taer
07-28-2008, 09:44 AM
. I also bring my charm and persuasive abilities. (Yes, they're about as subtle as a kick to the forehead, but they get the job done.)

Yeah, you got about as much charmliness and persuasivnessity as I do.

Gilshalos Sedai
07-28-2008, 09:45 AM
True, that, but I'm prettier.

tanaww
07-28-2008, 09:47 AM
What about Head of the CIA, Gil?

Gilshalos Sedai
07-28-2008, 09:48 AM
The Spy Czarina?

tanaww
07-28-2008, 09:56 AM
Word and feel free to hire spies based on hotness ;) Give me a Matt Damon or Daniel Craig, please, to head my personal security team. Go ahead and take one for yourself too. Bry can't do a damn thing about it.

And I will name RS the commissioner of the NFL - okay it's not a cabinet position yet, but I think it is necessary to put the fun back in the No Fun League and RS is your guy for that. He'll subsidize fantasy football leagues so all winners make money and make sure I get a comped sky box at Fed Ex (in the word of The Khan) "'ever I want".

Bratticus will be my press secretary.

Sei, you don't type or take shorthand as Energy Secretary. You travel the world pretending to do very important things. You know, like you do now but on a global scale and the pay's WAY better.

Gilshalos Sedai
07-28-2008, 10:04 AM
I'll hire George Clooney for you.


You can't have Matt Damon or Daniel Craig.

tanaww
07-28-2008, 10:07 AM
GREEDY! Then I'll take George and Denzel. Can I have Christian Bale?

We'll give Hopper Samuel L. M'fing Jackson to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

John Snow
07-28-2008, 10:07 AM
Ihvon's got my vote! (how do you vote for a King?)....it was those subliminal messages; I just somehow couldn't resist them.

tanaww
07-28-2008, 10:09 AM
Professor Snow unlimited research funding for you how could you be so shallow?

Hopper
07-28-2008, 11:01 AM
We'll give Hopper Samuel L. M'fing Jackson to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

As long as I get to use the purple lightsaber, fine.

Ihvon's got my vote! (how do you vote for a King?)....it was those subliminal messages; I just somehow couldn't resist them.

I'm hurt Dr. Snow CDC or NIH Director


It also occurs to me that we need a Director for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Dragon Thief - does this appeal to you or would you rather we create a Bureau of Chocolate under the Food and Drug Administration for you?

tanaww
07-28-2008, 11:15 AM
As long as I get to use the purple lightsaber, fine.



I'm hurt Dr. Snow CDC or NIH Director


It also occurs to me that we need a Director for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Dragon Thief - does this appeal to you or would you rather we create a Bureau of Chocolate under the Food and Drug Administration for you?

Hopper, what have we become? One day into our campaign and we're pandering and brokering backroom deals.

And I'm pretty sure Mr. Jackson would not let you touch his lightsaber:rolleyes:

Gilshalos Sedai
07-28-2008, 11:23 AM
GREEDY! Then I'll take George and Denzel. Can I have Christian Bale?

No, Batman's needed elsewhere, as is Mr. Smith. Mr. Pitt is available, however.

John Snow
07-28-2008, 11:28 AM
Hopper, what have we become? One day into our campaign and we're pandering and brokering backroom deals.


But cabinet-level secretary of health, nothing less. CDC or even NIH director are too much at the mercy of politicians. Take that stuff about welfare and human services out & let someone else have that. Those never should've been conflated in the first place. Also, you should call it "Secretary of War" not "Defense".

tanaww
07-28-2008, 11:36 AM
Well, Professor, you provide good logic. You can be Secretary of Health and Sinistrum can be the Secretary of Servicing Humans erm I mean Human Services.

And, compromisingly, we'll call it Secretary of Offense since the best defense is a good offense according to the Great Vince Lombardi (I think? - or maybe it's just me)

GonzoTheGreat
07-28-2008, 12:16 PM
Oh, I've been told I am good at giving offense.

Dragon Thief
07-28-2008, 02:39 PM
...Director for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Dragon Thief...

Incidentally, I've been, um, interviewed by the ATF before. Apparently some sleazebag druggies had been buying the components for homemade bombs and/or meth labs, and they hated waiting in line at walmart so they were always checking out in electronics. Guess who was their cashier? Course, this was like 5-6 years ago.

But damn, talk about me getting that deer-in-the-headlights look. Three guys in suits walk up, "Excuse me, sir, we're with the ATF" *shows badges* "and we just wanted to know if we could ask you a few questions."

Being the solid citizen that I am, the very first thing I told them was that Frenzy put me up to it, too.

Crispin's Crispian
07-28-2008, 02:52 PM
As HUD Secretary, I would demand that zoning laws and code enforcement be revoked from local authorities and given to me. At that point, I would give said authority to the appropriate local people so that it could be exercised fairly and without corporate or bad-neighborly interests.

I would also provide incentives for building up instead of out, and institute my plan for floating neighborhoods by 2010 (in the air, not on water).

Also...to the Moon!

I would vote Ivhon for King, but only on the condition that he hire a Minister of Spelling.

Anaiya Sedai
07-29-2008, 07:57 AM
buy me :D

Sei'taer
07-29-2008, 09:22 AM
buy me :D


Uh...um...ahem...~blushing~ Uh, hi beautiful...uh, can I buy you a sink and some socks? uh, I mean, you're an angel and god musta been feeling good today...uh, no thats not right...uh, I'm sorry I really have to pee...uh ~eyes wide open in shock~ I mean see if my girlfriend, no no...haha, I don't have a girlfriend, uh what i meant was...~passes out in a cold sweat~ ~dies from embarrassment~

tanaww
07-29-2008, 09:39 AM
Pay no attention to the hillbilly, Anaiya. What kind of <s>bribe</s> position did you have in mind? Something with the UN perhaps or being in charge of the Kennedy Center?

EDIT: Stupid strikethrough tags don't work but I left them so you get the idea.

Brita
07-29-2008, 09:46 AM
Uh...um...ahem...~blushing~ Uh, hi beautiful...uh, can I buy you a sink and some socks? uh, I mean, you're an angel and god musta been feeling good today...uh, no thats not right...uh, I'm sorry I really have to pee...uh ~eyes wide open in shock~ I mean see if my girlfriend, no no...haha, I don't have a girlfriend, uh what i meant was...~passes out in a cold sweat~ ~dies from embarrassment~

:D :D :D LMAO:D :D :D

Hopper
07-29-2008, 10:28 AM
Uh...um...ahem...~blushing~ Uh, hi beautiful...uh, can I buy you a sink and some socks? uh, I mean, you're an angel and god musta been feeling good today...uh, no thats not right...uh, I'm sorry I really have to pee...uh ~eyes wide open in shock~ I mean see if my girlfriend, no no...haha, I don't have a girlfriend, uh what i meant was...~passes out in a cold sweat~ ~dies from embarrassment~

Looks like we'll be needing a replacement Secretary of Energy.

Didn't take long for our first harassment scandal either.

GonzoTheGreat
07-29-2008, 11:03 AM
Well, you are now a real political party, so there's some advantage to it anyway. The next thing you need now is a preacher to distance yourselves from. Perhaps you would be willing to deny having consulted Fred Phelps?

Brita
07-29-2008, 11:08 AM
I spoke with Stephen Harper, and I have the official go ahead.

So even though I wasn't invited into the game, I will crash it by becoming the Canadian Ambassador to the US. So there! Hmpff!

Gilshalos Sedai
07-29-2008, 11:10 AM
We can distance ourselves from you, Gonzo. :evil:

Ishara
07-29-2008, 12:45 PM
Stephen Harper. Blech. That man gives me the creeps.

Brita
07-29-2008, 12:49 PM
Haha- Robot Harper more like it...

Ivhon
07-29-2008, 01:50 PM
I just sent the paypal to get myself ordained online.

Now I can distance myself from myself, further confusing people to vote for me.

Muttley, you sold me on your policies...consider yourself employed.

May as well make Gil official. By doing so she will no longer be Grammar Nazi, but Grammar Czar (or Tzar, or Tsar...depending on how you want to SPELL it).

Gilshalos Sedai
07-29-2008, 02:13 PM
Cool, power on both sides.

Sei'taer
07-29-2008, 10:23 PM
Looks like we'll be needing a replacement Secretary of Energy.

Didn't take long for our first harassment scandal either.


I'm truly sorry for my actions. I was under the impression that the young lady was a...um...I was moving...uh, no, see, it's like this, uh...Ivhons war policy sucks, and he set me up, it was a centralist conspiracy, and he's the one the will raise your taxes. Tana/Hopper will bring change and hope for change and change that brings hope with change and more change for you to save to get some hope of some change...we hope.

Ivhons a dirty politician and tried to bribe me with beer and then tried to blackmail me because my stance is wide and there was toilet paper on the floor and all I was doing was making small talk with a nice young lady and um...Ivhon has ties to Al-Qeada and he supports gay marriage and he doesn't want change and he lacks vision and hope because thats what we hope for is change. I'm not a crook.

See there guys, I told you I could fix it

GonzoTheGreat
07-30-2008, 04:38 AM
Convincing Al Qaeda to endorse gay marriage is not a change?

Anaiya Sedai
07-30-2008, 07:14 AM
*stalks throught the carnage*

Let's talk, tana, *shhh*