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Spidy
06-20-2011, 08:41 AM
Narg had been to the shop. What shop does a Trolloc visit? you may ask, and I know you are asking because when you read the aforementioned line . . . . . [snip – you’ve done this joke before, Spidy, it is now lame and I am docking your pay for lameness! Ed]

Narg was bored. Ever since Uno had told him off for cooking up some stray hamsters (ones that he had found whilst poking around in the old ISTW archived threads) and eating them before Uno had gotten the chance to dissect them and see what threads had been eaten, there was nothing to do.

Umpteen dozen Myyddraal had slinked past and not one had even given him a second look or berated him as to why he wasn’t heading to one of the many "Massings", ready for the on-rush into the Second Great Trolloc War. Narg had heard Uno and Professor Snow discussing this very point, that in future Gazettes there would be no referencing any stupid Last Battle nonsense for the Thakandar faithful. The Great Lord was going to win this time and it would forever be the reign of the glorious Dark. Therefore the upcoming violence to be perpetrated on the unsuspecting inhabitants south of the Blight would hereby be named "TGTW" or “Trolloc Wars II” depending on whatever the new Red-Veiled Aiel Sub-Editing team decided to go with. “Now they are a scary bunch,” whispered Narg to himself. “Wonder where Uno had scraped them up from. They seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.”

“What’s that you say Narg?” intoned Dragon Theif as he sauntered out of the door of the Dreadlord’s Gateway, one of the Shayol Ghul Gazettees favourite drinking holes, the tinkling of a piano wafting along behind DT, obviously meaning that Else was still playing. DT was mighty pleased when Uno had called the Gazette Staff and advised them that the experiment of trying to publish the Gazette from the ESC Couch was doomed to failure and more productive surroundings needed to be found to get the creative juices happening again. After all, to get the creative juices flowing out, you needed to get some juices flowing in to begin with.

“Aarg! Aarg!” replied Narg.

“That’s what I thought you said,” replied DT. “Um, wouldn’t that mean that it still really is the Last Battle because the Great Lord wins and there would be no more fighting?”

Narg looked at DT in perplexion. (Hey, is that a word? Ed) (Hey back at you, I don’t speak fluent Trolloc so how the hell should I know. Spidy) (Hey Hey Hey. How come you can reply to an edit after it is published? Ed)

All the extra insertions by the Editor and the Chief Reporter after the fact were making Narg’s head swim. Taking a dizzy step to the front door of the Gateway (following in the footsteps of DT who had flourished his fancloth cape and burst back through the old-school saloon doors, wondering to himself if the music would stop when he did so like in the old westerns of yore and would everyone also stop what they were doing and be looking to the doors to see who was there and then when they could see nothing but a disembodied head, how they would react) Narg promised himself to track down the Professor for an answer to DT’s observation.

DT had raised a deep philosophical point that needed discussion, explanation and a good old fashioned theory dissection, thought Narg. Wow, it could even be the lead article in the next edition of Life Magazine, penned by Narg himself.

It had seemed that since eating those hamsters, Narg had developed a taste for theorising. Odd how that ability had manifested, as if a ShadowSpawn “Talent” had awoken from the AoL due to some DNA transfer from the threads eaten by the hamsters. Who knew, maybe if he had cooked them over an open flame, he could have developed flaming ability as well, just like T’M’Hael and the Feminazi. After seeing the Professor, Narg was going to find some more hamsters, cook and eat them, damn what Uno thought about it. Narg wanted more. Theorising was good. Maybe he could become a reporter.........

yks 6nnetu hing
06-20-2011, 08:54 AM
oh, the questions, the burning questions! will Narg accidentally eat a bit of Felix's cape thinking it belonged to the illustrious Dragon Theif? DT intoning and Else being coordinated enough to hit piano keys: surely, the End is coming!

Terez
06-20-2011, 11:28 AM
What does Uno have against eating hamsters?

Zombie Sammael
06-20-2011, 11:35 AM
Why has this thread move to General Discussion?

...so many questions.

Terez
06-20-2011, 11:37 AM
Why has this thread move to General Discussion?
So that everyone will see it rather than just the few people who pay any attention to the Your Fiction forum.

...so many questions.
You could answer some yourself with a little thought. ;)

Zombie Sammael
06-20-2011, 11:38 AM
So that everyone will see it rather than just the few people who pay any attention to the Your Fiction forum.


You could answer some yourself with a little thought. ;)

I thought that might be the reason. But knowing which questions to ask is so often more important than knowing the answers. ;)

Terez
06-20-2011, 01:15 PM
Now you're being elitist.

The Unreasoner
06-20-2011, 01:50 PM
I would bet that if zombie or I wrote something it would die in the fiction boards.

Terez
06-20-2011, 03:46 PM
Depends on what you wrote. This is the official Theoryland gossip column.

PS - Spidy, you can of course feel free to move it back. Just an experiment.

Zombie Sammael
06-20-2011, 04:00 PM
I would bet that if zombie or I wrote something it would die in the fiction boards.

If I wrote something, I can almost guarantee you it wouldn't die on the fiction board*.

*because it would probably be about my characters from Twin Towers back in the day and would die on that board.

The Unreasoner
06-20-2011, 04:28 PM
Lol. No offense meant.

Crispin's Crispian
06-20-2011, 05:01 PM
I didn't know DT wore fancloth. Those poor sheep.

And since when does DT raise wax philosophical? The Last Battle really is nigh...

Spidy
06-20-2011, 05:36 PM
Maybe the Theif has been eating hamsters too!

The Unreasoner
06-20-2011, 06:04 PM
Reading this, I feel like there must be a previous bit; I'm completely lost. Will all relevant threads be moved too?

Terez
06-21-2011, 01:36 AM
You're not missing anything except Spidy's sense of humor. Unless you want to read every back issue of the Gazette.

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 01:55 AM
Ah. No thanks, lol. But what is dragon theif (sic)?

Spidy
06-21-2011, 02:19 AM
Its not dragon theif (sic) but Dragon Theif, one of the Chosen of Theoryland. Check the "Your Fiction" section for past stories under Shayol Ghul Gazette and other titles.

Terez, I feel this thread belongs back there, the General Board is not the place for this. A small but loyal readership is better than mass confusion and out of context posts in proper thread discussions.

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 02:23 AM
Wait these are the actual posters? Or at least fiction inspired by them? I thought it was some odd alternate wot reality, but I couldn't make sense of it.

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 02:29 AM
If you are "ed" as well, I like the style, at least. Still confusing as hell but I do like that little dynamic. I couldn't tell you why, but I thought of Dave Barry when I saw that. Maybe he did a column with a similar technique.

Spidy
06-21-2011, 03:40 AM
These are always about the actual Posters. Ed is Ed, and the Ed is Uno.

ShadowSpawn are real ShadowSpawn as well, you just haven't met them yet and if you did, you would probably die unless you have some powers to escape them, i.e. TP, OP, Ta'verneness, Heron-Marked Sword etc.

GonzoTheGreat
06-21-2011, 03:42 AM
If you are "ed" as well, I like the style, at least. Still confusing as hell but I do like that little dynamic. I couldn't tell you why, but I thought of Dave Barry when I saw that. Maybe he did a column with a similar technique.Of course he isn't the editor. That would be a conflict of interest, which is only possible if he's interesting in the first place.

And some, none or all of the ones mentioned in the OP are indeed real posters. Not always real enough to know precisely which letter goes where, admittedly, but real enough to make some posts, now and then (mostly then, alas).

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 04:02 AM
Oh. Well I have none of those. Maybe I could just outdrink them?

^That's more for spidey.

And I thought it was some kind of meta-joke, editor and author one and the same. I'm sure one of Dave Barry's humor columns used something similar.

Spidy
06-21-2011, 04:07 AM
Out-drinking would work. Yes, that in fact would work well. Very well indeed.

Here, try some XXXX and come have a chat on these here banana lounges.

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 04:16 AM
Love the new sig.
Cider man, cider man, another glass of cider man.
Tap a keg, anytime, hard cider-its better than wine.
Pour me a glass-but mind the flies.

Haha

Uno
06-21-2011, 02:27 PM
What I want, Spidy, is an interview with Egwene. Try to get her take on all the Egwene-hating going on. Go for the lowest common denominator. Single, female politician wearing sexy mini-skirts and trying to be self-reliant in a man's world. Nevermind that it's not a man's world we're talking about. It'll sell and enable us to buy a new beer cooler for the office.

Terez
06-21-2011, 02:37 PM
What I want, Spidy, is an interview with Egwene. Try to get her take on all the Egwene-hating going on. Go for the lowest common denominator. Single, female politician wearing sexy mini-skirts and trying to be self-reliant in a man's world. Nevermind that it's not a man's world we're talking about.
Not exactly a woman's world, either. Wasn't that the whole point of the TOM plotline? To prove that Egwene needed a man?

Uno
06-21-2011, 02:50 PM
Not exactly a woman's world, either. Wasn't that the whole point of the TOM plotline? To prove that Egwene needed a man?

I repeat: Spidy, try to go for the young woman struggling for respect in a man's world angle. If possible, work in how her vulnerability makes her strong or some such rubbish. Yeah, I know, it sounds like unadulterated drivel from the loony-bin, but they'll eat it up.

The Unreasoner
06-21-2011, 02:56 PM
Seconded.
Egwene in her own words...

Frenzy
06-21-2011, 10:20 PM
Maybe the Theif has been eating hamsters too!
They must look like furry little snickers bars...

Sei'taer
06-22-2011, 09:36 AM
Is it just me, or is Narg getting dumber as the years go by? Maybe he's had to many blows to the head or has early onset alzhiemers? I really think ol' Narg needs to get his yearly checkup...I'm kinda worried about him.

It could be that Spidy's getting du...naw, I really don't want to follow that line of reasoning. I think I'll blame the Ed. And Narg...Narg needs to quit getting his head bashed in so much.

GonzoTheGreat
06-22-2011, 10:00 AM
Maybe it is just a ploy. Narg may have been impersonating Weiramon (Nargamon).

Sei'taer
06-22-2011, 03:28 PM
Are you saying Narg is a darkfriend?

yks 6nnetu hing
06-22-2011, 04:20 PM
Are you saying Narg is a darkfriend?

the plot thickens!




now, if someone could explain to me about the chickens...

Sei'taer
06-22-2011, 07:16 PM
the plot thickens!




now, if someone could explain to me about the chickens...

You're a Poet and didn't know it!!

chickens...chickens...where'd Frenzy go?

Spidy
06-23-2011, 07:40 AM
But is the Narg in these stories the Narg from the Two Rivers or is he an imposter that the SGG staff haven't worked out yet as such. We weren't there in the Two Rivers when the Trollocs attacked so we don't know the facts.

Or is he Snarg, Narg's twin brother masquerading as Narg for the limelight when he in fact is a coward who doesn't want to fight in the LB.

Or is it something totally different? Or the same?