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tworiverswoman
08-02-2008, 09:43 PM
Funny metaphors used in high school essays

Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef. http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/eyebrow.gif
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/doh1.gif

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/hahaha.gifThe plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/eek2.gif
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Cary Sedai
08-04-2008, 03:38 PM
:D ROFL

I could see some of these in a Terry Pratchett book!

Sarevok
08-04-2008, 04:19 PM
roflmao :D

GonzoTheGreat
08-04-2008, 05:43 PM
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
I must try to remember that one. It's a real beauty. I wish I could've come up with it.

irerancincpkc
08-04-2008, 07:37 PM
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
:D :D :D

Terez
08-04-2008, 09:26 PM
Funny metaphors used in high school essays
And not a single metaphor....

I think this is my favorite:

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

RogueSavior
08-05-2008, 12:55 AM
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

By far my favorite of these...

Mort
08-05-2008, 06:20 AM
And not a single metaphor....

I know there is a rule that says something isn't a metaphor if it has "like" or "as" in it. Lots of those have them, I just don't know what they become instead. Imaging language? (Dunno if that is even the right name for it).

Terez
08-05-2008, 06:27 AM
I know there is a rule that says something isn't a metaphor if it has "like" or "as" in it. Lots of those have them, I just don't know what they become instead. Imaging language? (Dunno if that is even the right name for it).
Simile (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simile). :D

Tru is pedantic too so I'm surprised she didn't comment on it...

Mort
08-05-2008, 06:32 AM
Simile (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simile). :D

Tru is pedantic too so I'm surprised she didn't comment on it...
Right, Simile. I know I've known that before, but since my interests doesn't stretch far into linguistics I easily forget :)

Simile isn't very common, no wonder people miss it. Metaphors are almost correct though :)

Terez
08-05-2008, 06:33 AM
my interests doesn't stretch far into linguistics
Beyond being at least bi-lingual? :)

Mort
08-05-2008, 06:39 AM
Beyond being at least bi-lingual? :)

Learning English isn't a choice in Sweden, you do it wether you want to or not in the third grade (around 9-10 years old) :)

And learning English or a secondary language isn't very far into linguistics imo, maybe it is for americans and brits but not here. It's all the smaller building blocks that I'm talking about :) Although I do like linguistics like anthropological linguistics, ie, how you use your language when you are from different cultures. The best linguistic course I've taken in Uni, and I see linguistics as a necessary evil in my "have to do" courses :D

Anaiya Sedai
08-05-2008, 07:48 AM
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

:D

pops taer
08-05-2008, 12:48 PM
Hmmmmmmm?????

Brita
08-05-2008, 01:05 PM
Those are great Tru! I laughed like a dog about to vomit!

Mort
08-05-2008, 01:51 PM
Hmmmmmmm?????
Have you been in the whiskey jar again Pops? :)

I laughed like a dog about to vomit!

I... errr.... what? :D

Brita
08-05-2008, 01:55 PM
I... errr.... what? :D

I laughed like this, silly, I just paraphrased a bit:

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Mort
08-05-2008, 02:05 PM
I laughed like this, silly, I just paraphrased a bit:
I get it, but it still doesn't make it right, you gotta record that laugh! :D

Brita
08-05-2008, 02:30 PM
All right, you uncovered my ruse.

My actual laugh is more like the tinkling gaiety of gentle brook interspersed with the enticing roar of deeper currents barely hidden.

I hesitate to record such a powerfully compelling sound, as it has been known to drive some men to madness by the enticing Siren Song that is my laugh.

Mort
08-05-2008, 03:11 PM
My actual laugh is more like the tinkling gaiety of gentle brook interspersed with the enticing roar of deeper currents barely hidden.

I hesitate to record such a powerfully compelling sound, as it has been known to drive some men to madness by the enticing Siren Song that is my laugh.

If this is your way of not keeping me curious about your laugh, you are failing horribly :D

Oh and Siren? Are you applying for a position? I didn't know they were expanding their "organisation". :) Unless I have missed something, which actually isn't that uncommon, especially when it comes to the intricacy of the TL social culture :)

Brita
08-05-2008, 03:18 PM
Ah, but it is the difference between morbidly curious and enticingly curious...

~~bats eyes cocquettishly and wishes for better emoticons~~

Mort
08-05-2008, 03:24 PM
To me they are one and the same :)

Brita
08-05-2008, 03:25 PM
Interesting...now I am curious...

tworiverswoman
08-05-2008, 06:08 PM
Brita - you made me choke on my lunch... http://i52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/awww.gif

and if you want new emotes -- you're free to poke through my photobucket account -- I have 15 pages of JUST smiley emotes, never mind all the other crap.

http://s52.photobucket.com/albums/g7/tworiverswoman/

If you like one, you can hotlink it. But if you like LOTS, I ask that you copy them to your own account. I never get close to my monthly bandwidth limit, but who knows?

And I have a soft spot for Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


Yeah, I'm a pedant, but I often get this terminology mixed up myself.

Cary Sedai
08-05-2008, 06:25 PM
and if you want new emotes -- you're free to poke through my photobucket account --






NOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEESSSSS!!!!! Iz mine, mine, mine! All emotes are MINE!!!!

j/k :p