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Frenzy
12-24-2011, 01:15 AM
i'm going a little holiday stir-crazy, so who's up for a game of "i'm geekier than you?"

i found this list of "100 quotes every geek should know." i have several objections to it (like #34 should cite the movie it was in, #42 should be from Douglas Adams, the lack of anything from Red Dwarf, etc.), but where's the fun in just growling obscenities at my laptop all by my lonesome?

So here's the game: pick one quote to remove from this list, and replace it with a better one. For example, I'd remove #7 (“Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky’s the limit” — Captain Jean Luc Picard, uttering the last line of the series, Star Trek: The Next Generation “All Good Things…”) and replace it with "Greetings Starfighter!" from The Last Starfighter.


Here's that list. Have at it!:

1. “Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” — Dennis the Peasant, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

2. “Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky, seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine for the mortal men doomed to die, one for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring the bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.” -LOTR

3. “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey

4. “Spock. This child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now, what do you suggest we do….spank it?” — Dr. McCoy, Star Trek: The Motion Picture

5. “With great power there must also come — great responsibility.” – Amazing Fantasy #15 (August 1962)

6. “If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you oughtta go back home and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here. It’s wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it’s not for the timid.” — Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation “Q Who?”

7. “Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky’s the limit” — Captain Jean Luc Picard, uttering the last line of the series, Star Trek: The Next Generation “All Good Things…”

8. “If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want… Well, that’s where you’re right. But – and I am only saying that because I care – there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.” – Chris Knight, Real Genius

9. “We’re all very different people. We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog.” – John Winger, Stripes

10. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Ace Ventura, Ace ventura, Pet Detective

11. “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb, Caddyshack

12. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE – God (Douglas Adams), So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish

13. “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” – Adam West, Batman & Robin

14. “Bill, strange things are afoot at the Circle K.” – Ted, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

15. “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

16. “Didja ever look at a dollar bill, man? There’s some spooky shit goin’ on there. And it’s green too.” – Slater, Dazed and Confused

17. “Alright, alright alright.” – Wooderson, Dazed and Confused

18. “Heya, Tom’, it’s Bob from the office down the hall. Good to see you, buddy; how’ve you been? Things have been alright for me except that I’m a zombie now. I really wish you’d let us in.” Jonothan Coulton, Re: Your Brains

19. “Never argue with the data.” – Sheen, Jimmy Neutron

20. “Oooh right, it’s actually quite a funny story once you get past all the tragic elements and the over-riding sense of doom.” – Duckman (Jason Alexander)

21. “Fantastic!” – The Doctor (Christopher Eccleston), Doctor Who

22. “I must not fear. / Fear is the mind-killer. / Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. / I will face my fear. / I will permit it to pass over me and through me. / And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. / Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. / Only I will remain.” – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune

23. “This is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society?” – Kramer, Seinfeld

24. “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.” – Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China

25. “No matter where you go, there you are. ” – Buckaroo Banzai, Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension

26. “Do you know of the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space.” -Khan, ST:TWOK

27. “Ray, if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” – Winston, Ghostbusters

28. “Greetings, programs!” -Flynn, TRON

29. “I guess you picked the wrong god-damned rec room to break into, didn’t you?!” -Burt, Tremors

30. “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” -Darth Vader, Star Wars

31. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side, kid.” -Han Solo, Star Wars

32. “Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

33. “It’s a moral imperative.” – Chris Knight, Real Genuis

34. “Talk with your mouth full / bite the hand that feeds you / bite off more than you can chew / dare to be stupid” – Weird AL “dare to be stupid.”

35. “Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.” – Egon, Ghostbusters

36. “This episode was BADLY written!” -Gwen, Galaxy Quest

37. “Worst. Episode. Ever.” – Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons

38. “Goonies never say die.” -Mike, The Goonies

39. “Nothing shocks me–I’m a scientist.” – Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

40. “Bright light! Bright light!” – Gremlins

41. “The Road goes ever on and on/Down from the door where it began/Now far ahead the Road has gone/And I must follow, if I can/Pursuing it with eager feet/Until it joins some larger way/Where many paths and errands meet/And whither then? I cannot say.” – J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

42. “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!” – Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

43. “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” – Albert Einstein

44. “Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?” – Marty McFly, Back to the Future

45. “Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight blob of grease!” – C3PO, Star Wars

46. “I’d just as soon kiss a wookiee!” – Princess Leia, The Empire Strikes Back

47. “But one thing’s sure: Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody’s responsible.” – Detective, Plan 9 from Outer Space

48. “I know kung fu.” – Neo, The Matrix

49. “This is your receipt for your husband… and this is my receipt for your receipt.” – Officer, Brazil

50. “Your soul-suckin’ days are over, amigo!” – Elvis, Bubba Ho-Tep

51. “I don’t believe there’s a power in the ‘verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.” – Malcolm Reynolds, Firefly (episode: “Serenity” (pilot))

52. “Would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?” – El Guapo, ¡Three Amigos!

53. “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” Vizzini, The Princess Bride

54. “There is no Earthly way of knowing… which direction we are going. There is no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a’blowing? Not a speck of light is showing so the danger much be growing. Are the fires of hell a’glowing? Is the grisley reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

55. “Time…to die.” – Roy Batty, Blade Runner

56. “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds” J. Robert Oppenheimer

57. “Check, please.” – Lone Starr & Barf, Spaceballs

58. “So say we all.” – Battlestar Galactica

59. “After very careful consideration, sir, I’ve come to the conclusion that your new defense system sucks.” – General Beringer, WarGames.

60. “I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.” – Wash, Serenity

61. “No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for.” – Young Frankenstein

62. “Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker.” Fozzie, The Muppet Movie

63. “He’s dead, Jim.” McCoy, ST:TOS

64. “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint – it’s delicious!” – Kramer, Seinfeld

65. “Bring out your dead.” Monty Python and the Holy Grail

66. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” -Inigo, The Princess Bride

67. “Why a duck? Why-a no chicken?” – Chico Marx, Cocoanuts

68. “Redrum.” Danny, The Shining

69. “Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.” – announcer, The Shadow radio drama

70. “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” – Chief Brody, Jaws

71. “Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.” – Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park

72 “Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.” Criswell, Plan 9 from Outer Space

73. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!” – President Merkin Muffley, Dr. Strangelove

74. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” – Obi-Wan, Star Wars

75. “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes

76. “You maniacs! You blew it up! Oh, damn you! Damn you all to hell!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes

77. “Klaatu barada nikto.” The Day the Earth Stood Still

78. “Monsters from the Id.” – Doc Ostrow, Forbidden Planet

79. “ET phone home.” – ET

80. “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?” – Bridgekeeper, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

81. “We thought you was a toad!” – Delmar, O Brother Where Art Thou?

82. “Face it tiger, you just hit the jackpot!”–Mary Jane, Spider-Man.

83. “You don’t have to be a gun.”-Hogarth, The Iron Giant.

84. “Danger Will Robinson! Danger!” – Robbie the Robot, Lost in Space

85. “Yeah, well. The Dude abides.” – The Dude, The Big Lebowski

86. “All things serve the beam.” various instances, The Dark Tower series

87. “You can’t fool me! There ain’t no Sanity Clause!” – Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera

88. “Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love – they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.” – Harry Lime, The Third Man

89. “And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…” – Milton Waddams, Office Space

90. “Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.” – Peter Gibbons, Office Space

91. “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” – John McClane (in writing), Die Hard

92. “Gimme some sugar, baby.” – Ash, Army of Darkness

93. “Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things, right now: Jack and sh*t… and Jack left town.” – Ash, Army of Darkness

94. “Kneel before Zod.” – Zod, Superman II

95. “Shall we play a game?” – Joshua, WarGames

96. “Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.” – Samantha, Night of the Comet

97. “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.” “Hit it!” – Elwood, The Blues Brothers

98. “Make it so” / “Engage” – Captain Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

99. “Ya Ta!” – Hiro Nakamura, Heroes

100. “End Of Line” – The MCP, TRON

Sinistrum
12-24-2011, 01:33 AM
77. “Klaatu barada nikto.” The Day the Earth Stood Still

Replace it with

"Klaatu barada nik*cough cough* - Ash, Army of Darkness

91. “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” – John McClane (in writing), Die Hard

Yippy Ki Yay Motherfuck - John McClane, Die Hard

93. “Well hello Mister Fancypants. Well, I’ve got news for you pal, you ain’t leadin’ but two things, right now: Jack and sh*t… and Jack left town.” – Ash, Army of Darkness

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun. - Ash, Army of Darkness

2. “Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky, seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine for the mortal men doomed to die, one for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring the bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.” -LOTR

You need people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest...thing. - Peregrin Took

13. “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” – Adam West, Batman & Robin

Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn. - Alfred Pennyworth

17. “Alright, alright alright.” – Wooderson, Dazed and Confused

Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever. - The Joker

Khoram
12-24-2011, 09:02 AM
74. “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” – Obi-Wan, Star Wars

"That's no moon! It's a space station." Obi-Wan, Star Wars

71. “Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.” – Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Dr. Ian Malcolm: "God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs...
Dr. Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth..." - Jurassic Park

Res_Ipsa
12-24-2011, 09:16 AM
This list discriminates against Video Game Nerds; specifically, Nintendo Fanboys. Who cares about Xbox and Playstation.

AbbeyRoad
12-24-2011, 11:06 AM
Replace 42 with "You're very sure of your facts," he said at last, "I couldn't trust the thinking of a man who takes the Universe - if there is one - for granted." -Hitchhiker's Guide

Replace 41 with "Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors." - Big Bang Theory

Mort
12-24-2011, 05:48 PM
55. “Time…to die.” – Roy Batty, Blade Runner



I wanted to find a sweet quote from Blade Runner, but I couldn't. All I could do was give the whole line Batty says, which is much better actually.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.

SauceyBlueConfetti
12-24-2011, 07:13 PM
Replace:

40. “Bright light! Bright light!” – Gremlins



With:

"Stay close to ze candles. Ze staiwcase can be...
tweachewous." Frau Blucher, Young Frankenstein

(You have to remember, the candles aren't lit when she says this as they go up the stairs.)

Hopper
12-24-2011, 09:20 PM
Seinfeld isn't geek-worthy. Replace #64 with

Negative, I'm a meat popsicle. Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element

Basel Gill
12-24-2011, 10:15 PM
Well...I knew 70-80% of them, so I feel pretty geeky.

A few other gems:
"Beam me up Scotty"-no one...never actually said in those exact words.
"Nooo! Shut them all down! Hurry!"-C3PO to R2 shutting down the compactor
"How high can you get?"-Challenge issued by the gorilla on original Donkey Kong
"Bebebebebebebuck"-Twikki addressing Buck Rogers
"I ain't gettin' on no plane with this fool Hannibal."-BA Baracus on flying with "Howlin'Mad Murdock

"Michael Knight. A young loner on a crusade to champion the innocent, the helpless, the powerless. In a world or criminals who operate above the law."-Introductory statement of Knight Rider

Gilshalos Sedai
12-25-2011, 09:20 AM
I just can't tell you how overjoyed I am to see "Night of the Comet" anywhere on any list.

My first zombie movie. ~sniffs weepily~

I made Bryan and Sini watch it with me. The consensus was: "Huhn. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

And no, I have no suggestions. Just wanted to wax nostalgic for a minute.

WinespringBrother
12-25-2011, 05:59 PM
91. A mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone. Tyrion Lannister

Frenzy
12-25-2011, 07:55 PM
Frau Blucher

neigh! (http://soundbible.com/429-Horse-Neigh.html)