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SauceyBlueConfetti
02-08-2012, 03:05 PM
I have participated in a Fantasy Hockey League for over 15 years, with folks I have never met in person. Folks came and went for a while, and now I have a core group of guys, almost all in Boston & Rhode Island.

I stayed friends with many of the older group...they are all over the US and we talk about meeting up but never have done it. One of the guys kind of disappeared about 5 years ago and I periodically try to track him down. Yesterday I tried again...and found his obituary, he died in 2010, at a very young age. I was pretty upset, yet find it hard to explain to other people how/why this seems to hurt so much.

Just wondered if others have experienced this and if you did anything? I have an address for a memorial fund, as well as the names of his brothers. Would it be weird to reach out to them?

Terez
02-08-2012, 03:12 PM
In my experience, someone who is grieving will always react well to a story from someone they don't know about the person who passed. Every little bit of information gives a piece of that person that they never had, at a time when the person has been taken away.

fdsaf3
02-08-2012, 03:17 PM
The mother of my first girlfriend (we broke up about 10 years ago...yeesh) died last April. I didn't find out until July on a Friday afternoon. I kind of went back and forth all weekend on what to do, but in the end I called my ex girlfriend to give my condolences. She really appreciated the call. We had a good conversation, and I felt like I made the right decision.

My advice is to reach out to the family. They'll really appreciate knowing that their brother had friends out there who will miss him.

bowlwoman
02-08-2012, 05:29 PM
I agree that you should reach out to the family. I found out a couple of weeks ago the receptionist at my kids' pediatrician passed away in August. I would have gone to the visitation if I had known, and I'm planning to give a card to the staff to send along to her family next time I go into the office.

Sad. I only saw her 3-4 times a year and talked to her on the phone when making appointments, but she was someone in my life, however peripherally.

Firseal
02-08-2012, 05:35 PM
I have participated in a Fantasy Hockey League for over 15 years, with folks I have never met in person. Folks came and went for a while, and now I have a core group of guys, almost all in Boston & Rhode Island.

I stayed friends with many of the older group...they are all over the US and we talk about meeting up but never have done it. One of the guys kind of disappeared about 5 years ago and I periodically try to track him down. Yesterday I tried again...and found his obituary, he died in 2010, at a very young age. I was pretty upset, yet find it hard to explain to other people how/why this seems to hurt so much.

Just wondered if others have experienced this and if you did anything? I have an address for a memorial fund, as well as the names of his brothers. Would it be weird to reach out to them?

I remain saddened by the deaths of two of the players at the Twin Towers BBS RPG from a few years back. So no. Not weird at all.

Gilshalos Sedai
02-08-2012, 05:49 PM
I have participated in a Fantasy Hockey League for over 15 years, with folks I have never met in person. Folks came and went for a while, and now I have a core group of guys, almost all in Boston & Rhode Island.

I stayed friends with many of the older group...they are all over the US and we talk about meeting up but never have done it. One of the guys kind of disappeared about 5 years ago and I periodically try to track him down. Yesterday I tried again...and found his obituary, he died in 2010, at a very young age. I was pretty upset, yet find it hard to explain to other people how/why this seems to hurt so much.

Just wondered if others have experienced this and if you did anything? I have an address for a memorial fund, as well as the names of his brothers. Would it be weird to reach out to them?

Imram of Tar Valon.

I'm so sorry, SBC.

Firseal
02-09-2012, 08:55 AM
Imram of Tar Valon.

I'm so sorry, SBC.

Morridin too. It's why he disappeared so (relatively) abruptly from TT.

Gilshalos Sedai
02-09-2012, 09:10 AM
Morridin too. It's why he disappeared so (relatively) abruptly from TT.

I didn't interact with him as much, though.

Ishara
02-09-2012, 09:11 AM
In my experience, someone who is grieving will always react well to a story from someone they don't know about the person who passed. Every little bit of information gives a piece of that person that they never had, at a time when the person has been taken away.

Exactly this. Do it, Saucy. They'll appreciate it, and you will too.

DaiShan1981
02-09-2012, 11:03 AM
I also think it will be nice for the family to hear. It's not that different from my brother and I getting cards from strangers when our dad passed away.

And if you're looking for confirmation that online friendships can go really deep, I think you're speaking to the right community for sure. I'll personally testify to that. Not everybody gets it, it's true.

SauceyBlueConfetti
02-09-2012, 12:52 PM
And if you're looking for confirmation that online friendships can go really deep, I think you're speaking to the right community for sure. I'll personally testify to that. Not everybody gets it, it's true.

Thanks guys, I appreciate it. And yes, Dai, you hit the nail on the head. I am struggling with how hard this hit me...and don't want to weird out his family in any way because we never actually met. And that I am possibly opening wounds for them that have begun to heal...it has been over a year since his death.

I think I knew more about HIM than I do about some "real life" friends I have known my whole life. And I realized I liked him more. :(

DaiShan1981
02-09-2012, 03:25 PM
Well, in that case I agree even more with what everyone said; contact the family. Say what you feel. I'm not saying it wouldn't be difficult for them, but difficult in a good way if that makes any sense. Your emotions are real, your connections were real - they would appreciate and welcome that, I should think. But you don't have to buy a plane ticket straight away. A letter or email or something might be a good opening.

As for online friendships/feelings... I think you know enough about me and my situation that it should suffice to say that both times, the "click" was there well before actually getting together physically. In fact I would say that if the feelings hadn't been so overpoweringly real, there would've been no point going through the ridiculous amount of trouble to meet irl. It sucks if there's no one in your personal rl circle who gets that, though.
Don't you know any other nerds irl? ;)

[EDIT]: Sorry, I forgot the most important part twice now; my condolences, that sucks :(

yks 6nnetu hing
02-10-2012, 02:24 AM
Sorry to hear that SBC :( I haven't really been in your situation but I think I can sympathise - sometimes the connections we make online are just as strong as the ones we make in real life. Even the people we always argue with, in real life you can just pull away and say "I hate that person" but online, you're often sort of... squashed together until (most of the cases I've personally been involved in... um, with the exception of a few trolls and Felix) you may still violently disagree but there's a deep respect there as well. That's the sort of thing you almost never get IRL.

And when you have a friend online, you often actually *talk* about stuff more than you do with your everyday friends. Maybe not the everyday personal things that are going on (what did you have for breakfast, or how hot is that chick/dude at the next table, or how annoying is this or that coworker) but rather the more deep, philosophical things that make us be what we are.

you know, I've been thinking that with all the dr.Phil (and look-alike) shows about the dangers of Teh Internets, we as a group should really get on there as an example of how different it can be :p