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Anaiya Sedai
09-01-2008, 11:43 AM
SHIT HAPPENS
Close-to-complete Ideology and Religion Shit List

* Taoism: Shit happens.
* Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
* Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
* Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
* Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
* Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
* Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
* Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
* Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
* Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
* Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
* Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
* Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
* Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
* Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
* Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
* Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
* Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
* Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
* Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
* Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
* Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
* Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
* Creationism: God made all shit.
* Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
* Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
* Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
* Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
* Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
* Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
* Darwinism: This shit was once food.
* Capitalism: That's MY shit.
* Communism: It's everybody's shit.
* Feminism: Men are shit.
* Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
* Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
* Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
* Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
* Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
* Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
* Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
* Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
* Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
* Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
* Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
* Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
* Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
* Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
* Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
* Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
* Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
* Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
* Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
* Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
* Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
* Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
* Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
* Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
* Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
* Atheism: What shit?
* Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
* Nihilism: No shit.

* And of course we must add...Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

Frenzy
09-01-2008, 11:49 AM
Pastafarianism: Shit happens with noodly appendages.

John Snow
09-01-2008, 02:51 PM
The Quaker one isn't quite there - try this one (although it a bit of an inside joke):

There is that of the light in all shit.

We will ask this shit to be seasoned by the Worship and Oversight Committee, who will bring it back to Monthly Meeting for further seasoning and possible approval.

cottillion
09-01-2008, 03:41 PM
JUDAISM Why does shit always happen to US?

MORMONISM Shit's going to happen. Stockpile.

UNITARIANISM Deal with your own shit happening.

TWELVE STEP PROGRAMS. We're powerless over shit. Turn shit over.

ASTROLOGY Uranus transits.

Rastafarianism Let's smoke this shit!

TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.......

Mort
09-02-2008, 04:28 AM
Fatalism: Whatever you do, shit will still happen.

pops taer
09-03-2008, 10:31 AM
REDNECK STATEMENT JUST BEFORE DEATH: "Hey, watch this shit!!!"

Yuri33
09-03-2008, 09:30 PM
Medicine: First, do no shit.
Radiology: Picture this shit.
Pathology: Put this shit under a microscope.
Cardiology: You're going to get a shit attack.
Opthalmology: Take a look at this shit.
Gynecology: Put you shit in the stirrups.
Surgery: Cut that shit out.
Emergency Medicine: Fix this shit fast.
Internal Medicine: Fix this shit next week.
Dermatology: Rub some shit on that.
Neurology: You've got shit for brains.
Psychiatry: Think about that shit.
Gastroenterology: Shit is our specialty.

Soccer: Kick the shit out of it.
Football: Tackle that shit.
Basketball: Dribble that shit.
Baseball: Juice that shit.
Hockey: Nobody watches that shit.

I could spend hours thinking up new shit...

Mort
09-04-2008, 06:05 AM
Theoryland: Lets talk this shit through!

tanaww
09-04-2008, 06:56 AM
Okay. I'll try. Yuri can do medicine and sports so I'll try my disciplines here:

Management: We will leverage this shit to create new dynamic paradigms.
Marketing: How does the customer define the value of this shit?
Logistics: Move this shit.
Finance: Invest this shit.
Accounting; How do we avoid taxes on this shit?
Sales: I don't care how! Just sell the shit!

Wow. I guess the cool kids don't have to be funny :(

PhD students: Fuck this shit.

pops taer
09-04-2008, 09:50 AM
Your Shit, Her Shit, His Shit, Their Shit and "MY STUFF!!!!"