View Full Version : The Room - Second Draft

Anaiya Sedai
09-07-2008, 06:05 PM
I obviously have too much time on my hands. So another draft. feel free to point out bits I can improve on.


The Room

'Do you know anything about this strange room?'
'Sometimes', the old man murmurs, 'I tend to believe it is just a manifestation of my mind,
but then I remember that it isn't. Fact is, we are here.'
'So I am here. How do I get out again?'
'Maybe I can help you, maybe not', the man says. 'Maybe I already have.'
He smiles at me.
'Please, I need to get out of here!', I beg, but the man doesn't react.
I still wait a while for a response, but none seems to come.
I am torn: Should I try to find the way by myself, which is doubtlessly dangerous, because I don't
know where I am, or should I try the old man again?
'Don't you want to get out of here, just like me?'
The man looks at me. At least he reacts.
'No. I have been to worse places. I am happy here, it is you who isn't.'
I turn to one of the doors, a blue one, want to open it and step through.
The old man's voice holds me back.
I turn around.
'You will need this', he says and gives me a hammer; it's tip covered with dried blood.
'What for?', I ask, surprised, and take the hammer.
'Go, now!'
With that, the man closes his eyes again; I know it will be useless to address him now.
I turn back to the blue door and step through. I close the door behind me and turn around. It is red on the other side.
And even though I left the room through a door, I am standing in the same room again.
I look around. Yes, every thing is exactly the same: The old man, sitting on the floor with his eyes closed, the six doors, blue, red, white, black, and a mirror door.
'Please, help me!', I appeal, knowing the man will not answer me.
I look more closely at the doors. Then at the hammer. It is covered with blood. Blood is red, so it seems I need to go through the red door. But the metal tip is black. And the handle brown. The handle is wrapped with a blue and white band.
I don't know the way out.
I try to remember what was before the room, but I can't grasp it. My memory begins when I asked the old man about the room. How did I get here? What did I do before? And who am I? Why is the hammer meant to be a sign? Why should it show me the way, if it carries all the colours? White. But what else? There has to be something else.
Lead by my intuition, I step towards the mirror door.
I stand in front of it for a very long time, thinking through my idea, examining my reflection. For some reason I know I only have one attempt to walk through the right door. Should I choose the wrong one, I would take the place of the old man, and he would regain his freedom. Then I would have to stay here until another young man came and chose the wrong door twice. Whichever way I twist and turn it, I always come to the same conclusion.
I lift the hammer and break my reflection.
The mirror breaks and falls apart. Behind it, I see blackness. Did I make the wrong decision by breaking the mirror?
It is too late to think about it now. I step across the doorstep and think of things yet to come.

09-19-2008, 12:41 AM
It would be nice if V-bulletin formatted things more legibly. But it was short enough not to be a real problem.

Interesting ... and kinda grim. Whole BUNCHES of answers not handed out, here. And quite a few questions I'm not even sure how to frame.

Are there answers to my questions? Or is this just a "thought-provoker?"

Good piece.

Anaiya Sedai
09-19-2008, 01:42 AM
it's supposed to be a thought provoker.
I am considering replacing the hammer with something less obvious.

I have written a new draft of it, but haven't typed it yet. maybe I should.

thanks :)