View Full Version : The One

Two Rivers Man
09-20-2013, 11:38 PM
A rough draft of a short story I wrote for a monthly challenge at another site. You may recognize certain character descriptions. :rolleyes:
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Sorry, folks. I've revised the story again and started shopping it around, and this being a public forum, I can't have copies of it available out here. If it gets turned down by all of the places I intend to shop it to, I'll re-post the final, revised version here. But that could be a while considering it takes most e-pub sites several weeks to 3 or 4 months to make decisions. :(

09-21-2013, 03:06 AM
Quite good. Makes me wonder what would have happened if Rand had rung the front door bell on the Pit of Doom.

Two Rivers Man
09-21-2013, 12:31 PM
Thanks. It needs some work, especially on Sery and Tedy, plus possibly some detail on the "evil one." But . . . it was fun to write. :D

09-22-2013, 03:30 AM
In the next installment, when mom appears, will we learn what happened to all the cut down trees?

Two Rivers Man
09-22-2013, 06:21 PM
I think Max's dad was planning to build the empty village but the wood nymphs keep stealing the wood. :cool:

09-23-2013, 03:31 AM
Are we going to get a wood nymph bathing scene?
If not, then HBO will put one in anyway when they film it, of course.

Two Rivers Man
09-23-2013, 11:42 AM
Are we going to get a wood nymph bathing scene?
If not, then HBO will put one in anyway when they film it, of course.

With HBO involved it's possible 'wood nymph' could have more than one connotation :eek: but nothing is set in ... er... wood yet.

09-26-2013, 09:49 AM
Very entertaining :D

09-27-2013, 11:20 AM
Quite entertaining!

Clearly a spoof of WoT and the heroic fantasy genre. A few things though.

Is there a name pun on Maxemum that I don't see? Similar to Tedyus and Seryus. It seems it is but I don't get it.

I didn't find anything that would prepare me to know Maxemus had a brother or that they both are named Max? What's the deal with that?

I also found a you're - your mistake in there ;)

Two Rivers Man
09-27-2013, 10:50 PM
Thanks for the read. I agree it needs some work. I was going for a pun with Max (Eejit = idiot) but I'm going to change that. I only had 3 days until the challenge deadline (write a story that turns a fantasy stereotype on its head) when I got this idea so it was rushed. I had no idea I was going to make 'The One' and 'The Other One' brothers until I did it. The midnight deadline was only a few hours away and I needed and ending.

When I revise this to a more fleshed-out version I'll post it and, hopefully, it will address some of these issues. Thanks again :)

Two Rivers Man
05-19-2014, 10:33 AM
When I posted my other story here, I couldn't help but notice (and be very surprised) at the number of views this story had. I can only think that someone's computer must have gone crazy and opened 8,000 windows. I don't even want to think about how long it must have taken to close them all. :eek:

Anyway, I said I'd post a revised version when I had one - so here it is. Hopefully I've addressed most of the issues with the first draft. I removed some scenes and added others. I also added some extra stuff to some of the secondary characters to give them more ... character.

It's almost twice as long as the original, so I'm going to post it in two parts. :)

Two Rivers Man
05-19-2014, 10:48 AM
See first post for explanation for removal. Sorry. :(

Two Rivers Man
05-20-2014, 07:53 AM
Se above for reason of removal. Sorry. :(

Two Rivers Man
05-28-2016, 09:11 PM
The story has been accepted for publication by Fiction Magazines. It'l be published in the Jun 11 issue of New Realm Magazine. :D

I've changed the ending and made a few other edits since the last version that was in here, and there will probably be a few be a few more as I work with the editors over the next week or so. :cool:

If you happen to read it, I hope you like the final version. ;)

05-31-2016, 06:54 AM

Two Rivers Man
05-31-2016, 10:13 PM
Thanks :)