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Frenzy
05-20-2015, 03:08 PM
I need to vent away from family so I don't go burning bridges. (Full disclosure: I'm not religious. Really not religious.) Tonight's my son's end of year band concert, and my step-dad isn't going because it conflicts with his weekly bible study group.

Now I know listening to a middle school band is not high on most people's list of things they want to do. But you'd think you'd miss your book club to go support your grandson. The book's been out for over 1,600 years, you're not missing an update. What kind of person chooses their voluntary religious obligations over their family?

I would've gotten a ration of crap if I chose to hang out with my friends instead of supporting my family when I was a kid. I'm sorely tempted to raise a stink, but I'm not sure it's with it. He won't change his mind, so why bother? My son doesn't care, but I do. I'm pissed. Plus I feel like a hypocrite.

Daekyras
05-20-2015, 04:36 PM
I need to vent away from family so I don't go burning bridges. (Full disclosure: I'm not religious. Really not religious.) Tonight's my son's end of year band concert, and my step-dad isn't going because it conflicts with his weekly bible study group.

Now I know listening to a middle school band is not high on most people's list of things they want to do. But you'd think you'd miss your book club to go support your grandson. The book's been out for over 1,600 years, you're not missing an update. What kind of person chooses their voluntary religious obligations over their family?

I would've gotten a ration of crap if I chose to hang out with my friends instead of supporting my family when I was a kid. I'm sorely tempted to raise a stink, but I'm not sure it's with it. He won't change his mind, so why bother? My son doesn't care, but I do. I'm pissed. Plus I feel like a hypocrite.

why do you feel like a hypocrite?

Families can be tough. I have quite a bit of trouble with mine and my in laws. But I put most of it down to my inate annoyingness!

For the record, I think you are right in this situation. And your son is 13? Even when he says he doesn't care, there's a good chance he does.

What does he play again? I know you mentioned it before but can't remember off the top of my head. Probably because it's obliterated by the fact you let the kids have sword fighting lessons!!!

Frenzy
05-20-2015, 04:52 PM
Long Sword class, yeah!

Mr. B plays clarinet. This is the end of his second year of music. He still enjoys it, which is cool.

I feel like a hypocrite because I'm compromising my own beliefs to keep from upsetting my step dad. I want him to stay involved in my and my kids' lives. And he's my main childcare help (he gets the kids to & from school), and he's about to remarry and I don't want him to choose to move away. I question my motives for keeping silent, especially since I teach my kids to speak up when they see something wrong.

Daekyras
05-20-2015, 05:09 PM
Long Sword class, yeah!

Mr. B plays clarinet. This is the end of his second year of music. He still enjoys it, which is cool.

I feel like a hypocrite because I'm compromising my own beliefs to keep from upsetting my step dad. I want him to stay involved in my and my kids' lives. And he's my main childcare help (he gets the kids to & from school), and he's about to remarry and I don't want him to choose to move away. I question my motives for keeping silent, especially since I teach my kids to speak up when they see something wrong.

Ah, now I see. Hypocritical? Yes. Smart? Yes.

My mother in law is our childminder. I have kept my mouth closed on so many occasions because I didn't want to rock the boat on the sweet situation we have with her living close and enjoying looking after our little guy. It's what you have to do sometimes.

I know it doesn't feel good to " turn the other cheek" but if it the best thing overall than go for it. Path of least resistance is almost always the best path for all concerned.

do you think he'll stick with clarinet or move on to a cool instrument? ;)

I jest of course.

Ivhon
05-20-2015, 05:16 PM
I know that this is you we are talking about :p but you could wait until you are at a point where you aren't fuming (and are intentionally wearing soft slippers intead of your boots), and let him know that you were sad that he chose bible study over a one-off performance from the grandkid.

If he doesn't feel attacked, he may take it to heart and show up for the next thing.

Frenzy
05-20-2015, 07:22 PM
Clarinets are cool! You can attach bayonets to them :D

Ms. B signed up for string bass next year. That's so cool its sick.

And good news, grandpa changed his mind & said he'd meet us there :)

ShadowbaneX
05-20-2015, 08:20 PM
Invite him around the house for say, the middle of July. I'm about as religious as you are and live like 3000 miles away. Besides I love the hypocrisy of skipping out on family for bible lessons.

Terez
05-20-2015, 09:08 PM
That's what sucks about religion the most; it makes you worry a lot about whether you're a good enough Christian (for example), rather than making you worry about whether you're a good enough person. One of the mantras of Christianity is that being a good person means nothing to God.

GonzoTheGreat
05-21-2015, 03:02 AM
Now I know listening to a middle school band is not high on most people's list of things they want to do. But you'd think you'd miss your book club to go support your grandson. The book's been out for over 1,600 years, you're not missing an update.
Allegedly, there is going to be one, in the time of this generation. Nobody seems to have a good definition for "this generation", though.

What kind of person chooses their voluntary religious obligations over their family?
Oh, I know this one: a Scientologist.
Maybe it would help if you told your step-dad that he was behaving as a Scientologist; I suspect that's not the impression he aims to give.

Nazbaque
05-21-2015, 03:58 AM
Maybe it would help if you told your step-dad that he was behaving as a Scientologist; I suspect that's not the impression he aims to give.

But that might make him change his mind again and go to the bible club.

Southpaw2012
05-22-2015, 01:17 PM
As a Christian, I certainly can't bash him for wanting to attend Bible studies. That being said, I agree that when a situation arises, like seeing a close family member take part in something they care about, it would not be the end of the world for him to take a week off and attend. Could he not get it moved to another day? Or, why not ask them to keep him updated through email what they talked about so he could go over it after the concert?

Davian93
05-22-2015, 06:58 PM
As a Christian, I certainly can't bash him for wanting to attend Bible studies. That being said, I agree that when a situation arises, like seeing a close family member take part in something they care about, it would not be the end of the world for him to take a week off and attend. Could he not get it moved to another day? Or, why not ask them to keep him updated through email what they talked about so he could go over it after the concert?

Clearly his priorities are already set. Because missing a single bible study session is much more of an issue than fellowship with his own family.

Clearly he cares more about broadcasting his supposed "Faith" to outsiders than giving a damn about his actual family until called on it by that family and guilt-tripped. Not a surprise really.

I can't recall what the Bible said about those that would do such things...pray loudly, proclaim their righteousness from the street corners, etc etc. I do believe JC mentioned something about such people.

GonzoTheGreat
05-23-2015, 03:35 AM
I can't recall what the Bible said about those that would do such things...
Read and find out:

Matthew|19:29 And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

Granted, it doesn't mention step-grandchildren* explicitly, but the message is clear enough I would say.

* Grand-stepchildren? What is the official term for that relationship?

Nazbaque
05-23-2015, 04:11 AM
* Grand-stepchildren? What is the official term for that relationship?
I think it's "step-grandchildren" in this case. Grand-stepchildren would be your child's stepchildren. What would the stepchild's stepchildren be? Step-grand-stepchildren? Too difficult just call em "Billy" regardless of sex. It saves time.

Frenzy
05-23-2015, 02:27 PM
Luckily he chose to go to the concert. I told my son that his grandpa was trying to rearrange his schedule to make it, and fortunately was successful. My son thanked him for that (even without my prompting to do so). Hopefully the other bible studyers will forgive one of their own for choosing family over book club once.

So happy ending all around, Scooby snacks for everyone. Thanks for letting me vent.

Nazbaque
05-23-2015, 02:43 PM
Luckily he chose to go to the concert. I told my son that his grandpa was trying to rearrange his schedule to make it, and fortunately was successful. My son thanked him for that (even without my prompting to do so). Hopefully the other bible studyers will forgive one of their own for choosing family over book club once.

So happy ending all around, Scooby snacks for everyone. Thanks for letting me vent.

So the old grump didn't get away with it because of his meddling step-kids?

Frenzy
05-23-2015, 06:30 PM
So the old grump didn't get away with it because of his meddling step-kids?

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