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  #1  
Old 10-02-2009, 11:25 PM
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Default How to get banned from Target

My sister sent me a funny in teh emailz today, and while I normally scoff at such n00b behavior, this one was pretty funny. I srsly cracked up at a few of them.

So, I share.

Quote:
Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,"Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away". This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department, to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if she could help him, he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here."
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  #2  
Old 10-03-2009, 12:37 AM
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seen that before with Wal-Mart as the store. still just as funny. even more so since I work at Wal-Mart and know how many of those would actually work. lol
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  #3  
Old 10-03-2009, 03:05 AM
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Maybe I am easily amused, but I laugh everytime I read something like this. Mine was more like, "what do people do to amuse themselves when they retire", so I picture little old ladies and men running around doing these things.
  #4  
Old 10-03-2009, 08:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leanne
Maybe I am easily amused, but I laugh everytime I read something like this. Mine was more like, "what do people do to amuse themselves when they retire", so I picture little old ladies and men running around doing these things.
seen it as that too. really funny
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  #5  
Old 10-03-2009, 09:11 AM
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Judging by the clientele, I don't think its actually possible to be kicked out of a Wal-Mart. This far better fits a Target.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:29 AM
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I know some people who got kicked out of walmart.

They would stand at the back of the store and chunk eggs as high and far as they could, and then sprint out the back exit. Took them 4 or 5 times before they got caught.

They had someone video tape it from the middle of the store...one time one of the eggs landed in a shopper's cart...heh. The shopper was like "O_O!!"
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  #7  
Old 10-03-2009, 10:58 AM
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I used to have sword fights with plastic bats up and down the aisles when i was a teenager
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  #8  
Old 10-03-2009, 12:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matoyak
I know some people who got kicked out of walmart.

They would stand at the back of the store and chunk eggs as high and far as they could, and then sprint out the back exit. Took them 4 or 5 times before they got caught.

They had someone video tape it from the middle of the store...one time one of the eggs landed in a shopper's cart...heh. The shopper was like "O_O!!"
I believe that People of Walmart needs to be linked at this point...

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
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  #9  
Old 10-03-2009, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davian93
I believe that People of Walmart needs to be linked at this point...

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Dapple works at the local Walmart Pharmacy. I SO have to show her this site.


My favorite so far.
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  #10  
Old 10-03-2009, 01:29 PM
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Now, I am guilty at times of matching my underwear to what I wear, but smiley face underwear and a yellow dress with a black belt? That's taking it too far, IMO.

Yeah, that site is awesome. I'll have to forward it around. It's like lolcats for the fashion crowd.
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Old 10-03-2009, 01:53 PM
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Oh man- that's a great site.

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  #12  
Old 10-03-2009, 01:57 PM
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This one is...yeah.

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  #13  
Old 10-05-2009, 08:59 AM
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Here's one of my favs.


Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowes, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk.. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowes, Home Depot, and Costco.
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  #14  
Old 10-05-2009, 12:07 PM
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This one is amusing on so many levels:

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Old 10-05-2009, 01:34 PM
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Only problem with it being a Target is Targets don't sell guns, Wally World does.
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